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Originally Posted by Lynn
Hello
I had a bit of a shock at work a few weeks ago now. I was on cash at a retail store I work and this customer came to the til. I did not recognize her, she looked at my name tag and goes OMG Lynn. I then heard her call Doreen and well that is the name of my "dead mother". It seems that the Mother that I thought was dead long ago is not so dead after all. I cut all ties years ago with my Mom and my side of the family. There was too much damage done.
I had to stay professional at the cash, making small chat....dealing with a million questions, which I so did not want to answer at all. My Mother came over asking about the kids, my husband (that is now an ex) so I said I was not with him, that I had a new husband. This means that they can not find my name LOL. Good thing for me.
They left and I was shaking.....I saw the living dead. It had been about 10 plus years and I have made peace with it all. its a shock on a shock when the dead are not dead. There is a first time for everything.
If I was a cat I would have one less than the 9 lives....with the fright I had.
Since this sighting or event my Dad (that rarely visits) as been around a few times. When I have been home alone, at first I did not realize it was him, then I clearly got the message. I made the right choice to cut her from my life. My Mom made some bad choices after my Dad passed and he does not want anything to do with her when she passes. He made it clear that I made the right choice and to stick with that choice. She made her "bed" literally he said.
I never got to ask how he felt about my new husband, as I was raised you give your virginity to one man you stick it out til death parts you. Death never got a chance to part the EX and me as I got out before he killed me.
Lynn
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That sounds horrible Lynn. I can feel your shock and anxiety in your words. I was in the grocery store once and the man in front of me at the check out lane was a man I have despised for years. In fact I had no contact with him for nearly 15 years. He is my brother-in-law. My son was very young at the time and sitting in the grocery cart when my brother-in-law turned to him and said hello. I was shaking inside and felt like I was going to explode. It's been a long time ago now, but I think the only thing I said was, "Don't speak to my son."
Fast forward through life and I found myself planning my son's wedding. My son wanted this uncle on the guest list. My insides were tearing up, while on the outside I showed a brave face to my son. I didn't want him to see this angry side of me that had a bad history with this person.
At the wedding my brother-in-law asked my spouse if it would be ok if he "talked to your wife." A strange thing happened and I don't know if it were divine intervention or me subconsciously wanting to unload the heavy baggage. I gave him a hug and stood there for several minutes making small talk like there was no bad blood between us.
Since then I have returned to keeping my guard up when forced to be around him and just keep conversations short and impersonal.
I'm so sorry your history with your family, especially your mom has taken you down this path. I feel for you as I had a strained relationship with my mom for years. But you know what's best and healthiest for you. Have you thought about why it was this specific point in time that she suddenly appeared in person to you?