Delay--- I'm very sorry for your troubles.
Have you been reading this discussion on narcissism?
Narcissism is not only something that occurs to a subset of men.
Many borderlines are also narcissists, BTW. And many of them are women.
I think her behavior is toxic. And the fact that she cannot be bothered to consider the impact of her toxic behaviour on others is equally toxic.
A primary sign of both of these PDs is aggressive sexuality (promiscuity)and/or manipulative use of sexuality. You have been describing this over and over again in your observations of her and her actions.
This is someone who repeatedly puts herself and only herself first. This is not a person who can be trusted in any sort of relationship...unfortunately, I wouldn't even put too much stock in a friendship if I were you. But for your sake, I hope that she would continue to call you friend even if you were to close off the romantic pursuit of her and look elsewhere for an authentic intimate partnership.
If you continue, you're well advised to take it for what it is -- nothing that can be relied upon when the cards are down, unfortunately.
If she really is the soul in your soul family closest to you at the time of your creation...then you do have a connection and you got a raw deal...as so commonly is the case during these times -- times when society promotes a really degraded, utilitarian, me-first way of being.
BUT even in these degraded times, which have misdirected many and enslaved many others to sexual addictions etc., your connection can be loving, kind, and supportive even if the other soul is someone who is at a very different place on their path with regard to integrity and the sacredness of sex within an authentically loving, meaningfully committed relationship. I am assuming this is what you would pursue with her, BTW. But clearly she is nowhere near there AND it may be years till she begins to grasp what this means, if ever.
Your soul connection is one of love and acceptance but doesn't EVER have to be romantic and in your case, really should not be IMO. In fact, there is not a snowball's chance in hell that anyone who has your best interests at heart would advise you to pursue this woman (or anyone like her) for intimate partnership.
How many minds and hearts does she need to subject to mind screwage? How many penises have to go inside one woman in her insatiable lust to control and manipulate others for the thrill of it? What kind of a person repeatedly engages in such low behaviour whilst failing to take ownership for any of the traumatic fallout? Well, a borderline &/or a narcissist would.
How many times can she cheat on others whilst using the excuse that she is clueless? As if that is somehow 1) better or 2) believable for anyone over maybe 18 or so yrs of age? And 18 is pushing it, IMO...unless one is perhaps severely emotionally or socially retarded or challenged. Or, a borderline/narcissist.
I know your love for an individual has nothing to do with his or her behaviour, and that is a blessing and a gift we give to one another. But...it doesn't mean you have to maintain a relationship of any kind, even acquaintanceship. Much less even a friendship, if it is too traumatic for you. If you do maintain a friendship, it needs to be mutually honouring, engaged, kind, courteous, and respectful of one another. Or else it is not friendship and isn't sustainable.
So now consider a "partnership" with someone who thus far has shown they are incapable of behaving honourably toward others. It's just not ever going to work with someone who is where she is. She'd have to be a different version of herself at an entirely different place on her journey, in order for this to work.
Given who she is, you are essentially asking her to take you out behind the chemical shed and blow your guts out all over the ground. Oops...so sorry. The gun just went off 10 or 20 times and I couldn't stop pulling the trigger till there was nothing left to shoot. In fact, I was clueless. Terribly sorry....lalala...who's next?
I hate to be the one to break it to you, as I'm all about love and forgiveness in the sense of authentic love for one another as people and as beloved friends. But giving her or anyone love doesn't "fix" them. It doesn't "help" or "allow" them grow up or heal or do any of that. Essentially, your loving her and even having sex with her will not metaphysically speaking allow you to accomplish her tasks. She still has to carry her own weight. All the love in the universe doesn't mean a damn thing UNLESS they choose to slog through the difficult daily struggle on their own. Which they need to be able to do without you, anyway. Particularly the narcissists and the borderlines, both of whom need to learn how to stand on their own and quit using others.
You seem like a nice gent...and no one's saying don't love her as a person. They're saying honour yourself and choose wisely. You can love her from afar if it's too difficult to be friends. Or you can be her friend very cautiously, with healthy boundaries. But you certainly don't need a sexual relationship with someone who is at present incapable of true intimacy.
Peace & blessings
and much love & light...
7L