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Originally Posted by psychegrl
I have a similar situation with my TF and grew up with both parents. I absolutely honor the commitment he made and never asked him to change that.
But in these situations, the sacrifices we make are just that sacrifices. And according to God sacrifices are not supposed to make us unhappy but make us happier. When we can sacrifice our guilt or anger or shame to God (Source, Universe) our gifts are able to come in more fully. We are able to be happy in any situation with the right motivation depending on the goal.
However, if it were your child vs your TF/SM, would you still want them to be committed to a marriage, job, idea that continuly makes them unhappy trying to make it work? Having to give them support for every situation, every time? Or is it kinder to be like the birds and shove them off a branch and tell them to be free of things that don't serve?
This isn't necessarily my view of marriage but watching two people who are unhappy and not well matched didn't serve me or my sister as a child. In fact now my sister is in the same boat. We talk about what we wished our parents should of told us about life instead of living the lie of being satisfied with the situation.
It's a terrible lesson to teach children.
(My parents worker really hard to make our lives good and never fought in front of us. They were devoted to the family unit and I had a magical childhood. It was not till I was older that I was able to see all the cracks and feel the disfunction.)
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You raise a great point that I can't disagree with. In my situation it is a bit different where my SM wants to keep his family in tact and I guess my point was misdirected. I agree that nobody should stay in a place that makes them unhappy unless their goal was to grow and evolve. However, that's not most people's goals. Marriages that involve children, a lot at that, such as my situation.. become messy when things blow up. To make matters worse, my SM is a local tv personality, so he's got a lot on the line that he cannot risk. He is well respected and I can tell he loves having all of his family live together. If anything were to get in the way of that, his wife would take the way things currently are and tip it upside down. So, I'm saying because he cares about his family so much, I think it's most respectful to honor those wishes and step back. It's more about what he wants than what I want. It is incredibly hard for those of us with strong connections who are already committed. I don't even agree to marriage, myself.. but he loves his kids so much and the unity that I am with him, there in a more objective manner.