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Hi cafedoc, I'm just going to pipe in with my experience of having met my twin and then further down the line getting into a relationship with somebody else.
Regarding my relationship and connection with my current partner - it is not comparable to my connection with my twin; I cannot say that it is. But that doesn't diminish my deep love for him, my intense attraction to him, or any of the countless reasons that I choose to be with him. Indeed, it gives me a much greater capacity to love and appreciate him, and makes me an infinitely better partner to him than I would have otherwise been.
My twin is not in a position to offer me any of the things that my partner does, and so is no threat whatsoever to my relationship. In the event that he did show up one day offering everything my partner offers, then yes, that would be a different story. But that's not so different to every other relationship in the world. I don't believe marriage is a guarantee - we should always be free to choose in my opinion. You know why your wife chooses you. The connection she's experiencing with this other man has nothing to do with any of that.
If you're feeling a need for a guarantee in your marriage, I would suggest that maybe that's where you need to start healing. But I can reassure you that, if you guys keep dealing with the situation you're in maturely, there's no reason to see it as a threat. All it will do is open your wife up more to true unconditional love - for everyone. Which in turn I've no doubt will give you a greater understanding of it too. And so, yes, it has the capacity to massively deepen, strengthen, and expand your connection with each other, rather than damaging it.
That being said, it took me a year and a half of very dedicated inner work to get to a position where I was truly detached from any outcomes with my twin; before I really got to the point where I could let go of him and enjoy the connection for what it is, which is a deeper connection to myself. Throughout that time I was often an emotional wreck, swinging wildly from high to low, and often no good to anyone. So you could be in for a rough ride for a while. But over time, as I learned to deal with it, the extremes became steadily less so. Everybody's experience is different but I'm sure with your wife's clear resolve to move through this and with the support system you offer her, you'll both come out of the other side better.
I hope this can help you a little bit.
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