|
I suggest you simply relax and allow things to be as they are. It sounds as if you have a lot of pain inside you, and your natural tendency is to suppress this because you do not want to connect with these painful feelings and re-experience them. But there comes a point where suppressing painful feelings causes more pain than simply allowing these feelings to surface. And as these feelings surface we realise that we can cope with them, and in fact it is just the movement of emotional energy through us.
For a long time these painful emotions may be buried deep within our subconscious, but when they begin rising into conscious awareness, our immediate reaction is to resist them. Becoming conscious of this process is the first step in finding release.
So you feel a bit angry because you did not let these emotions flow when it happened. That is OK. If these emotions are rising to the surface then there will be other opportunities for release. It was not a one-off event which will never happen again. It is a process, and next time it will be easier for you. If a dam is going to burst then eventually it will do so.
We tend to think of spirituality and meditation as being all about bliss and light. The Soul does seek to express itself through the personality and body, but as part of this process it exerts pressure and pushes things to the surface to be released, particularly in meditation when we are just sitting with all our "stuff", without distractions. So people take up meditation expecting to find inner peace and instead they find themselves dealing with all sorts of issues. But as we resolve and release all these energy blocks, so we begin to discover a centre of real peace at the heart of our Being.
Peace.
|