Unfortunately, I can't say "me too" so while I'd love to help I can't know exactly what this feels like.

It'll take some thought so I'll probably come back later. My first suggestion is draw back from the new age stuff you find on the web. Even ardent new-agers here recognise there's a lot of it is snake-oil selling. Don't worry about things coming from other planets and ascension and things until you're back to good health, so you can appreciate what it's about without getting tangled.

A second suggestion is don't worry about not practicing Reiki - yet. Perhaps the keenness to do so is exacerbating your anxieties...maybe not, only you know - but best to try to relax everything you can at this time and concentrate on getting better (impossible on anti-depressants).

The good thing you've done is kick the medication. It may need weaning off. (I was given an anti-depressant to help cure insomnia, and you know what, it made me depressed. It kind of numbed me like a zombi. Horrible!) I can see how they might work.... Blank you out to put space between what caused the depression and now. I doubt they work in every case. I couldn't think straight which was an absolute blight on my work.

Now, may I ask if you connect your mental breakdown in any way to the Reiki class itself? Pressures on supporting yourself while there? Opposition from someone from whom you expected support?

Have troubles before then upset your mental state? Just asking to see if the origins of the trouble can be traced.

Well, you can talk to me. I'm in the UK where the NHS, particularly for mental health really is down the tubes. Part of my insomnia issue took me to a sleep clinic for prospective CBT as they call it. I won't bother you with detail. It was plain rubbish

I know almost nothing about Nichiren Buddhism except that it exists, I'm intrigued by spirituality in Japan. I'll look it up. Are you able to chant at all now?

So you may feel alone trying to nurse your wounds by yourself but you aren't alone at all. Ok, this may be a remote kind of communication here but the advantage is you don't have to be embarrassed. You are unlikely to be afflicted by trolls - at least, I truly hope not - and you can blast off all you like.

take care, relax everything you can, do anything you can to step up optimism - when you shop, when you walk if the sun is shining. Do you take your puppy for walks? What's her name? And...if she loves you and you her, then so what with conversation!