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Originally Posted by davidsun
One has to look (and feel) 'deeper' than one's formulated beliefs, which as I have said, in my opinion are just emotionally-subscribed to mental constructions ... in order to (really  ) appreciate and connect with/to the exquisite REALITY of their ISness, their true (real?) BEING.
What you are referencing as 'irrelevant' is the 'spinning of wheels' (and so going nowhere further) that characterizes so many (tho certainly not all here!) people's generally not 'seeing' or 'feeling' and so actually relating to the REALITY underneath the word-clothing which others display.
Language (thought, ideas, etc) will always provide 'clues' to facilitate the process of those who truely wish to ('detective'ly) 'know' and 'relate to' the REAL nature of the constellation of The Presence of Life (God, Shiva, Christ, Being, however you want to 'mentally' think of IT) in others (as well as oneself, if one examines one's own words and thoughts, I dare say).
I hear so many 'crying' about how they are not truly related to by others, while they themselves don't do so. As Gandhi said, You have to (first) be the change you 'wish' (or something like that )
To get 'deeper' (to become more 'deeply' related) one has to leave the 'island' of one's own self-and-reality 'definition' - de-finite-ion) and get into 'swimming' and 'diving deeper' in 'oceanic' (hence containing everyone else) waters. |
However, I still cannot seem to get past the nature of superficial contradiction that exists outside the full 'in house' awareness of a unified, non contradictory experience of consciousness.
It's like everything is totally
unreal because only Siva is real. Nothing makes any sense to me because only Siva does. Everything is untrue because I stand in the presence of Satyam itself and nothing can be understood in the light of that awareness.
Sure, I have my moments where I let it slip a bit, let my 'guard down' as it were and then introspect, only to find that it has been a week since I last made the connection and it hasn't become 'second nature' to me yet. I'm still getting used to it until the 'bliss sticks' (as running would say).
Having said that, I feel I am going to be one of those who will remain in total equanimity about existence in general, whether it applies to myself or to others. It is what
happens when an autistic person becomes God-realised. I didn't have many emotions to start with and after feeling total unconditional love for Siva, I don't think I would be able to feel mortal love ever again because I'd forever be seeking to make the comparison where none exists.
The best I could ever hope for is to lose all my remaining emotions (frustration, impatience and insecurity due to lack of acceptance) except for this love I feel for God and not try and learn or discover any new altruistic, empathetic or compassionate feelings because they are just not in my autistic nature anyway.
I was born an 'island unto myself' through no fault of my own. My parents then reinforced it through abuse (physical and sexual), confinement and social isolation, up until I was 16 so I never developed any social skills anyway, even
if I was somehow able to.
Due to circumstance, I had nobody
but Siva - no family (I was unwanted and unloved), no friends (I wasn't allowed to have them) and so I turned inward and relied upon myself for comfort, companionship and to find those answers I sought.
After I left home and got married, things didn't change much in the way I was treated. They say we choose our partners based on our early life because we know no better and this was certainly true for me. The only times I enjoyed was when I was at a Shiva temple singing His praises within a group of Shiva devotees because at least there was something in common.
Yes, I need to go and find some of these again in the 'real world' because online, they just do not exist (and with very good reason that I am just finding out myself now). I also like how we say the 'real world' or 'real life' as to distinguish that existence than the internet one. If 'real life' is 'real' that must mean the internet is somehow...not! but it's like Maya within the Maya eh?
So now you can see how nothing really applies to me in the 'normal' or what we call 'neurotypical' way of thinking. I totally exist in lateral thought and nothing follows a 'straight line' in my brain from cause to effect, means to end or subject to object because my mind doesn't work that way. I have no 'executive functioning' or 'theory of mind' whatsoever.
All I know is the love I feel for a Hindu deity called Siva and tonight, a few hours ago, I made the re-connect until the energies rose up my spine and exploded into my brain with the force of a small supernova, filling my head with blinding light and now, my awareness is swimming in fluid Consciousness, I feel like I am walking on 6ft foam rubber, grinning like a Cheshire cat with tears streaming down my face..."Aum Namah Shivaya" turned into "main tumse pyar kartha hoon"...and that's the best mantra out there.