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Originally Posted by ssdm1
This is interesting to me and kind of shows me a look from the outside into my situation.
A lot of times I'll ask him something, he'll give me a quick answer, then I'll feel "hurt" that he didn't engage in more of a conversation (and he does work from home so I know he's on the phone and working but he does always answer). So I understand how everyday mundane contact may not be good. On the other hand if time goes by and he does not initiate, then I still feel "hurt" that he didn't engage.
So what you've said shows me my own weakness of feeling abandoned and fear of that. Something I know I have to work on but I still can't seem to clear that.
As to your original question, I also think other tf's going through similar situations can be a big help in our healing.
Several times, including what you've said here, really helps me see things from a different perspective that I can look at. When I start to feel bad after contact with him, instead of chasing (looking for validation from him) I now am looking deeper in me to see why I feel this way and deal with it, and not chase after him for the answer. Perhaps your twin is doing the same.
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I had a big talk about this with a friend of mine who's the runner while I'm the chaser. You and your twin are vry similar yet you've both experienced different things throughout your lives. Different betrayals and disappointments that's induced a lot of fear inside of you. I'm the same way in that when my beloved doesnt talk more when we interact it hurts. However, I know he's been through a lot and has learned to shut things out. He's a very no ** kind of guy who wouldn't just talk to me for the sake of stroaking his own ego. He's 14 years older than me, he knows who he is and he isnt ashamed of it. IT's I who's had to really heal and kill my ego in order to allow our union to happen. He's not once said anything mean or insulting, but I have during many of my freak outs. As I healed and let go of past pains and hurts, the small talk doesnt hurt me as much. It does inform me that there's still more I need to work on. There's still some past hurts that I need to heal and release. I know this also because of some health problems that are slowly starting to heal.
As you near the end of your healing you will realize the signs were always there. There is not a single doubt in my mind that he is my tf. But when we first crossed paths I didnt believe it. I didn't believe anything anyone told me. I'd dated mostly bad men and assumed he was just like the others but just had a good way of hiding it. I'm here to tell you that your tf is not like them. Nowhere close. And if your twin is a sociapath/narcissist well im not sure what to tell you lol. But for the ones who aren't, keep going. We've all been there and it takes a **** ton of work. Work on you and allow your world to change for the better. You need to have your own identity and life before your twin can enter it. Find a hobby have a passion and do what you were menat to do in this life. Raise the vibration of the world and those around you.