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LillyBelle, it sounds like your cousin has her own problems that have nothing to do with you. I don't know your past, but sometimes it is hard to make the kind of decision one needs to with people in when to give to people emotions of our heart, and when to use discretion in safeguarding our hearts. She sounds like perhaps it may have been wise to safeguard your heart.
This is something I think that everyone has trouble with but maybe more so people who have experienced trauma. Boundaries are confusing. I find myself holding back when I don't need to, and then I am not experiencing the fullness of life. But then I don't hold back when I do need to and I, like you, get deeply hurt. I sometimes give my heart in a situation that was not in my best interest to do so because I've been formally programmed to feel that that is the thing to do, and I get hurt-like before-but I really deep down want a different outcome.
This definitely can cause, I know for myself- me to not want to have interactions with others and not want to walk out my door. Depression. Anxiety. Confusion. So much hurt. I've needed to feel that I have power in life, not the other way around.
The thing is that you do have power in your life. Realizing boundaries are important. Realizing triggers are hugely important. Because when you know what triggers you, you know how you are going to react-then you know how you are going to react and you can catch it ahead of time. Then you begin to feel the real power of your self. How you can really change your life. And you can. Believe me, I know.
You do not have to stay where you are right now. Anything is possible.
Blessings to you.
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