I have to post this because I decided to share an experience I had a week ago, but now wish I hadn't. I guess I'm too sensitive.
I'll give three experiences I've had over a period of time...I've had others growing up, but these are most recent and stick in my mind. I think most people love nature, I do. I can get overcome with passion and emotions and everything is awesome and beautiful. I love taking pictures and see art in everything I look at. Okay, so I go to a favorite place and I'm having a particularly bad day. I'm walking/hiking/crying, talking to God, getting angry...blah, blah, blah... I am not religious at all, but believe in other realms and a creator...but sometimes I feel like I'm some freak or something because of my experiences. This one day I'm hurt, crying angry and cry out to god what is wrong with me, give me something to know it's real. I fell to my knees sobbing and began to hear sounds, like a low hum, that grew louder and higher and honestly, the best description would be like angel's singing or some angelic sounding choir. I don't hear words, just the sound and strings maybe, but not like they are playing anything particular, but a note that rises(?) Lows and highs. It's hard for me to explain...I think I'm gunshy so I feel sort of ashamed. But that's not all, you know how you see shimmering waves of heat when on a hot day, it seems to bounce off a hot road? Well, here I am in the woods and now I'm seeing shimmering metallic looking colors with pinpoints of gold popping up here and there. It was incredible and amazing. It didn't last long, but I was absolutely floored by it.
Another time, I was having a hard time (again)....talking on the phone with a friend, sobbing, who began to pray for me. my friend was sort of religious, but having doubts with it... I saw shadows around me, but behind the shadows were the shimmering waves of color again and gold pin points along with more noticeable shapes as though compensating for the dark shadows in front of them. the dark shapes then seemed to back off and/or fade.
Okay, so those are weird. I am SO thankful for all the experiences I have had, but yet I feel like I can't share them, just keep them to myself. then when time goes by, I analyze them and wonder what the heck is wrong with me. I do this battle. I hate it. :-( It's the downside of being spiritual and analytical as well. Plus my best friend is extremely, extremely analytical which makes it difficult for me.
This last experience, I'm out mowing my lawn. I love mowing my lawn. I love my property. When I'm out there, I am always in awe of the beauty. I have planted a great deal of trees, flowers, shrubs...and I'm also fearful I may lose my property to the soon to be ex who's very vindictive. So I'm mowing and feeling very sad about the chance I may lose this land...and I'm talking to god in my mind and then it felt like I crossed over into this other dimension again and honestly, I felt like I could hear something from above, or ...I don't know, it's not my thoughts, but something else and the trees started blowing in a different direction...and I felt their thanks and I felt love. I know it sounds so ludicrous.
So I got brave finally because I was asked to share before and held back and friend did not want me to do that, no secrets, my friend wants to share in my experiences. So I tell. Not fully because I felt foolish. Later on my friend starts debating it and I took it as ridiculing me and thinking I had slipped a cog. We got on the great can blades of grass feel pain when mowed debate. I told my friend about studies I've read about regarding things like that. already long story tried to be shortened. I felt humiliated and hung up. I felt really hurt, friend was ****ed that I hung up...then wondering if my thinking is off.
ShOuld I keep things things to myself? Am I some freak? Has anyone else experienced odd things like this? how can I keep myself from getting upset. Maybe I'm just having a breakdown.