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Namaste and Salutations.
It would be totally remiss of me to say that I do not experience human emotions and sensations in the presence of the Divine, or reflecting upon my own Divinity (which is also a mere reflection of the Absolute Consciousness/Shiva).
It seems to follow an all too familiar path or pattern, activating every channel along the Ida (lunar) nadi or nerve, therefore switching on and fully opening every alternate Chakra, starting at Swadhisthana (Sacral), then Anahata (Heart) and finally, the Ajna or Third-Eye. So, of course, my Sacral Chakra is going to totally explode with exposure to the Prana OF the Sacred, but it is caused through and by unconditional love and not desire.
At first, I was quite purturbed by this...it totally unnerved me, how the sanctity and purity of all that was pure and beyond emotion and sensation was making me...well 'excited'. I even tried to console myself with the memory of what Lord Shiva did to Kama Deva (Cupid) under similar circumstances , but that was also after the fact of the inevitable occurring.
See, Lord Brahma and Indra Deva sent Kama Deva (God of passionate thoughts) and his partner, Rati along with the season of Vasant (Springtime) to Mt. Kailash to interrupt Lord Shiva's deep Samadhi to try and get Him interested in Parvati (who was seeking to gain His attention/affections for marriage), so the two could mate, produce a child (Lord Murugan) who it was foretold by prophecy, would kill the demon, Tarakasur who was totally terrorising all Three Worlds...I mean, it's a long story, but Lord Brahma and Indra Deva sent the 'passion party' to Mt. Kailash to disturb Shiva and snap Him out of it.
Well, that did happen, after an 'accident' occured first, which infuriated Lord Shiva so much, he opened His 'Third Eye' Chakra and burnt Kama Deva to ashes on the spot...BOOM SHANKAR! and then, Kama Deva was no more. One problem...the seed of Lord Shiva is so potent, volatile...I mean, the whole of the Big Bang is encoded within it...the blueprint for every material form and the 'Universal DNA' is encoded within it and the essence of pure Consciousness, itself is encoded within it and when God has an orgasm, super-massive black holes are created with event horizons which border the infinite.
So, His seed was taken to the Ganges River (Mother Ganga/Ganges is Lord Shiva's 'other wife' that He keeps within His Dhara... Jata Jhuta...matted topknot of hair) and His 'Sacred Emanation' was dispersed among the six River Goddesses who all became pregnant with the one being - Sanat Kumara - Lord Murugan...and so, it turns out that in the direct way, Paravti wasn't needed anyway however, Shakti still was, because only Shakti can carry and bear the full seed of Shiva - it would totally destroy anything else that even tried.
It is also interesting to note that the two 'children' of Shiva and Parvati weren't conceived in the 'usual' way...as a human child would be. We have already seen how Lord Murugan's (Sanat Kumara's) birth came about...well, I guess that Parvati thought; "If my husband can 'create a baby' without me, then let me try that...and so, before bathing one day, Mother Parvati took all the sandalwood paste, dirt, dust and scurf from her body and fashioned a poppet from it - then, She breathed life into the poppet and it became a young boy which Mother Parvati then put on 'guard duty' beside the stream she was nakedly bathing in - of course Lord Shiva didn't recognise Him as being the 'child of Parvati' and so, a scuffle ensued as Lord Shiva tried to re-unite with His wife and in the ensuing battle, the poor child became decapitated. Parvati arrived on the scene too late...She was totally infuriated with Shiva and was transforming into Kali to kill Him herself (or try) and so, to pacify Parvati, Lord Shiva sent the Trishula (Trident) on a mission to bring back the head of the first living creature it found...which as it was, happened to be a baby elephant.
I mean, Lord Shiva had practice at doing this....Prajapati Daksh received the head of a goat for his insolence, arrogance and total ignorance, but I digress. Shiva does sorta get remorseful after He beheads and kills things...but unfortunately the human head is no longer usable (in most cases) and how He deals with the whole problem of inter-species neural connections and tissue rejection is totally beyond my level of human understanding at this point. lol
So, we go back to me feeling aroused in this beautiful, loving presence...yup, Shiva killed Kama Deva - who was also brought 'back to life' at the insistence of Rati to live and flourish as a 'Spirit' inside the heart (and loins) of every human being, that being said...Kama (passion/desire) is also one of the four 'rites of passage' of the human birth and condition - Kama (passion), Artha (prosperity), Dharma (righteousness) and Moksha (liberation) which also corresponds to those chakras which are on the other nerve (nadi)...the Pingala or Solar nerve which remains closed off. For about a year, I noticed my Swadhisthana Chakra fully open and then fully regress, close-off and basically disintergrate upon my very first guilty thought of "NO! this should not be happening...this just ain't right...one just doesn't have 'sex' with 'God" and all the while, I kept feeling like the butt of a sick joke the universe was playing on me.
I mean, it wasn't like I really had any control over it, apart from 'controlling' it to 'cease and desist' which it would do for a short time before attacking my astral body with a vengeance once more the next time around and so, after a while and upon some Divine 'insistence', I finally allowed myself to fully surrender to what I was feeling on every level including the physical and I also understood that although Shiva burnt Kama Deva to ashes, He was the very first master of Tantra, Yoga and of the 84 sacred positions, Himself! and it doesn't get any more telling or revealing than that imho. Suffice to say, I was not disappointed as I was brought to the very brink of space-time and creation itself as I released my energies into unlimited potential and saw the reflection of all reflections in all glorious 5D MANifestation.
So afterwards, I usually end up asking the $64,000 question - "so tell me, Shiva...am I You or are You, me?" and of course, it shouldn't matter either way, but for some reason it does because it defines whether or not God is created within my own mind, or I have been created within the Mind of God and if Brahman alone exists, then what is Maya? is Maya the Illusion or indeed, Brahman if 'everything is Brahman'? and then the words of all the Great Ones echo inside me, "Through Shakti, Shiva becomes known" and yet, as my energies arise, the Grace also descends and seems to meet it 'half-way', within the sacred space of the Spiritual Heart, braiding all this DNA into functional dodecahedrons and shooting out short-wave Shakti energy from the core of all my multi-stranded genetic material superluminally.
Then, I can't really say anything about it...I mean the 'Original Sin' is still the 'Original Sin' in the minds and hearts of mortal men, leading to all kinds of perverse permutations of cognitive dissonance and cultural conditioning as per the limitations of 'objects' and 'labels' within the corporeal reflection of this vibration (Spanda) of Logos with "OMG you've f*cked the Creator" and all I could ever say to that is "uhhh...ummm...yeah" although it was more 'the other way around' but the angelic jury still remains out on that whole issue but it does put a whole new spin on ego-less 'Self-indulgence' either way and inserts the 'quanta' into 'quantum physics' and explores the limitation of perception in relation to form within any given Planck Constant.
And so, I'm still getting messages, from Shivatar, from Kralaro, from a few PM's; "the next time you see Shiva, can you ask Him this for me? can you get Him to tell me what I am thinking? are there any messages from Him to me?" and all I can ever say to that now, is 'ask Him yourself!' and that's pretty hard to do if one doesn't believe He exists in the first place or believes that it's 'all me' or I am 'making it all up'...yep, I am 'making it all up' in much the same way as I made the whole universe up and you are all me anyway, so this is just a moot exercise as seen from a subjective experiential standpoint of an awareness in Consciousness until nothing remains aware and so, there is nothing/nobody to 'ask Shiva' anything! get it?
Also, some people also seem to believe what they think of me, what they believe about me should affect me or bother me in some way...well I have big news for those people. I didn't get to where I am by 'listening to' or 'obeying' or 'believing' others, but by silently reflecting and listening within...to my own heart and once the ego has been bypassed, once you have told yourself to 'shut up' for the billionth time, it will happen...slowly and surely, it's going to happen!
So, when I ask Shiva now; "are you God?" or "are you an Alien?" He always replies with "well, what do YOU think?" and starts sounding like a first-year psychiatrist or a cheap advice columnist and I say "what I think doesn't matter" and of course, Shiva says "ah, but it DOES" and I say "if thinking is SO important, why are we trained to stop/go beyond our thoughts...eh"? and then, He gently touches my forehead and says; "so THIS can happen" and then I'm immersed within the bliss of the Absolute, yet again.
Aum Namah Shivaya
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