[shivatar]

For a long time I have been feeling a powerful essence inside of me. It feels like uncontaminated power. Awe inspiring and fear inducing. When I feel and think about this essence I feel inside of me I can feel reality bending around this powerful being. I feel waves of energy radiating from this being. Waves that don't feel anything like love. They feel more like wind rushing past me, or water flowing past me at a fast rate. It's clear there is something there and it's not a joy or love experience, it's something else. It's movement. It's excitement. It's mysterious and makes you open your eyes. It's pure shakti.

For a long time I thought it was a wounded part of me that was calling out for help. Now I believe it's Rudra, the mighty form of Shiva.

I believe Lord Shiva has sent Rudra to help me, to give me strength and guidance. I also believe Rudra is a part of me, but not who I am, and not all I am.

Rudra has shown me power in many different forms. My lesson now is not to be in awe of it's power, but to recognize that same power is within me and to use that power as I see fit.