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Originally Posted by SilentDrum
Principles #1, 2 and 3 are beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
I don't see the relevance in principle #4 and how it is simple. How do you know something is over?
If your spouse sleeps with someone else, is it over?
What if they kiss someone else?
What if they leave you for someone else and come back three months later, saying they are sorry, they made a mistake, they love you and they want to work on your couple's issues rather than running away?
When is it over?
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You seem to be talking about an ongoing situation and asking at what point is this situation over. For me, principle#4 is about living in the present and dealing with the reality of this moment. Whatever happened even just a moment ago is over.
If your spouse sleeps with someone else, then that has happened and it is over. The act of the spouse sleeping with another person only exists now as a thought in our head. If you get angry and upset by that thought, then that is the reality of the present moment.
The spouse may repeat the action in the future, but that again only exists as a possibility in our thoughts. It is not the reality now.
It is only a current reality when you walk in and find your spouse in bed with someone else. Then that is the situation you have to deal with. Again, if you get angry and upset, then that is the reality of the present moment.
We live most effectively when we live in the present, dealing with whatever reality presents itself. The past is just a story we tell ourselves, but the past is over.
Peace