[Realm Ki]

Dear Shivani,

I am trying to grasp what you are living with. It really is very difficult...

But what I can identify with is - words bringing my emotions to my head, making them intellectual, observed instead of felt. (Not exactly what you wrote, i know).

I used to write a lot, stories. But when I needed to heal - I could no longer use words, it was a language that was lost to me in a sense. It brought everything out onto a 'doctors table'.

So I had 'visual therapy' - using images and drawing to relate to emotions and situations.

i know there is music therapy, theater therapy etc.

That is one path to explore for you, if you can relate. At first of course I didn't think it worked, but only three times in - I connected, and a lot of interesting things followed.

Another though I had, was that - well, I'll just tell you the thought without rephrasing; use it as you want. I thought hanging out with trees might help.

Difficult to describe since I don't know if you live in a cottages in the middle of nowhere and speak to trees daily - or if you think tree-huggers are crazy people, right? But 'speaking' to trees, does not require words; hanging out with a tree - hugging it, or climbing up and lying comfortably in it's arms, or leaning against its trunk etc - will for some people bring the trees stories; what has happened around it in its life time. I love old trees... And for some people just sitting in the tree energy field will heal you, the tree life force moving water constantly up through the trunk and out in the branches is a soothing, continual process - very forgiving, non-judgemental - that can allow for small beginnings of feelings. And courage to allow them to rest there, in you.

And actually, I wonder... Do you want to feel?

Do you want to feel some things?

Are there other things you prefer stay as is?

Do you think it will be impossible for you to feel?

If and when you are ready to ask the Divine for direction on this matter, I am sure you will get one. And I can imagine it being a small simple everyday situation - where you feel. A place where you can start.

(That's how I saw you by that tree, that's what that tree was. Buy I don't know if trees will be for you what they are to me. Surely, the Divine and your Higher Self will know :))

I wish you a lot of light on you journey! /Mi