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Originally Posted by lauterb
Dear Des39
What I feel from your post is that you are facing an atonement due to your reaction and not acceptance of the situation.
In general this means when a person did something very wrong and in order to repair it was forced to an situation that does not suit and causes a revolt
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When you do not know what action brought you here, you cannot learn. You can repeat the same action (or we can call it 'mistake') over and over again, but you never learn as you are not aware of cause and effect for this particular case. All I know is that I am here now in my current body, but I do not know what brought me here and what am I supposed to learn to move on.