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Originally Posted by rainbow.sprinkles
I get what you're saying about feelings but I have these feelings. I'm feeling them right now. that's a simple fact. I'm not going to push them down and ignore them, I believe in sitting with one's feelings. processing them, and moving through them given appropriate time.
I'm not sure I believe the feelings that developed were a conscious choice. does everyone in the universe choose to fall in love every time it happens? I just don't think so. I wouldn't say I had an expectation.... just a hope.
yeah obviously I'm not yet in a place of 100% acceptance. that would be an unreasonable expectation.
I agree that my feelings are my own responsibility. I say what you've said to me to people all the time. but that doesn't mean I can just flip a switch to change my feelings from sad to happy unfortunately.
I'm not going to cut him off, as he is my friend and I intend to continue to support him on his journey, not to mention being a big part of his son's life. he will always be in my life because I will never not be in his kid's life. him and his family are like family to me regardless of the particular label placed on our relationship.
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You're very defensive, and I know you're delicate at the moment, but my comments aren't intended to rustle your feathers otherwise I wouldn't reply.
No, don't ignore your feelings. I said this in my last reply. It's the worst thing a person can do, it serves no purpose, only adds to dismay.
Hope/expectation - doesn't matter, still equally disruptive in the circumstance. It's a very slippery slope resting hope on something as we then depend on an outcome, which is an expectation. We really use the word 'hope' so nonchalantly in life, and we don't ever stop to reason the emotional impact it can have, and I'm not referring to hope in a way that someone wants their sports team to win the next game.
Everything you replied with was followed with an excuse. If you say what I said to people all the time then start doing it. Nobody is saying block out feelings, nobody is saying don't feel sad - allow these things, but don't let them be a part of your identity. There has to be a cut off point somewhere.
Well, if you decide to stay in touch with him and you know it is causing an impact on you emotionally that he's with another girl, then that is your choice, but know that this approach will bring some discomfort, which is actually a good thing. You just don't want to be complaining about it. Stay in touch and learn to feel the discomfort with him and don't complain, or have some alone time for a bit, get the focus on healing yourself with a view to speaking to him in the not too distant future.
You can't have it both ways.
Best of luck to you
