Quote:
|
Originally Posted by OEN34
Sorry to read of your pain.
It's absolutely normal to still have feelings for someone you were closely linked to even if you're friends. There's a connection present and it won't disappear overnight, especially if you've been sharing each other's company.
What is refreshing to hear is his honesty towards you in that he's told you he's seeing someone else. It may be a kick in the teeth to you, but that is because you are connected on an emotional level. If you were to remove emotion from it and see it for what it is, coming from a place of love and kindness, you would be neutral about it. You would have acceptance.
With the 11:11, have you considered that you might be actually on the right path and that is why you are seeing the signs? Perhaps this is the route you need to take at this moment?
Ultimately, IMO you've done the right thing. You've expressed how you feel and suggested he followed his heart, which is spot on. It's out of your control and in his mind he might need this other person to explore and grow him some more, considering he's on his recovery path. This other person might also be here to teach you something.
There's definitely a blockage there, so investigate it, go within and see what's what. Some form of rejection suffering? Loss, abandonment? The list goes on.
An important thing here is that you aren't obliged to stay in contact with him whilst he's on his path. This doesn't mean you push him away and be nasty towards him (and yourself), but being honest is key, telling him you'd prefer him to focus on his stuff, and you to focus on your stuff. You are here, you're not shutting him away, but contact won't help right now - if you feel that way that is.
Then the inner work begins and you learn to accept what is happening. You see his path from a place of acceptance and love and you'll be very comfortable then, but Rome wasn't built in a day, it takes time.
Invest your energy in you right now, and put yourself first.
Be gentle on yourself, you're being tested but it will inevitably lead you down a path more suited to the 'newer' you in the not too distant future.
|
that's the funny thing, by the time we'd broken up the connection was long gone. it re-kindled as a result of him changing and us finding a way to actually communicate effectively and be kind to one another again after nearly 2 years of just being terrible to each other. it feels like we're both different people now so in a way it's brand new, but also with that familiarity and comfort of having been through so much together.
I wish I could remove my emotions from the situation, there would be zero problem. I don't see how I can though.
yes I've tried to tell myself that it means this is the thing that was meant to happen and you're probably right but I'm frustrated because why did the universe allow me to get so emotionally attached all over again just to have it ripped away again and put me through losing that future of being a real family with him and his son all over again? it feels cruel.
it just felt like there was nothing else I could do. I've worked hard lately to act in ways that are in line with the version of myself I'd most like to be instead of just giving in to my knee-jerk reactions of trying to get my own needs met. he said originally that if I said I didn't want him dating her that he would stop it then and there but who would I be to come out and say that? I don't want to be that person. the fact that I told him how it would make me feel and he made the decision he did in spite of saying he would stop seeing her to salvage our friendship seems to speak volumes.
I have major psychological issues around abandonment and rejection and all that. him and I both do, it's one of the biggest things we have in common. I've dealt with it all for the most part, I've been on my own path of recovery from mental illness for years and years already. I mean the fact that I dealt with the situation fairly gracefully speaks volumes to how much I've grown from what I once would have said and done in this situation lol.
I do plan to pull back a little bit, and I'm sure he expects it.
thank you for the kind and thoughtful response, it's appreciated.