Dearest Sarian
~ Its very late here in OZ ..12.18 am to be exact..I just wanted to post a few thoughts your way if that's okay~ I have not read through the responses Of others .
What A great honest Thread You have started.. Good on you ~ Did you know the majority of people self sabotage in some area in their life ~ Some don't even realize it.( Ever). So first off you are very human and Lovely as usual.
The journey of seeing with awareness ..where we have travelled in life .. can hit us Fresh like it just happened ..especially when stress is in our life.. Its like one stress will then recall all other events that have harm hurt and depressed us.
I call This my pity party time ( and yes I allow myself to have that time ..the secret for me was to put a time on it .. maybe a day ..an hour ..2 minutes ..then I had to grab some happy ... a laugh ... a joke ..a smile ..ohh this time I went a week ..a beautiful friend made me laugh and my hidden pity party was over ).
What I see in all yr threads is what a kind loving gentle woman you are..
You give to others who are hurting ..over your own hurt .. u have great compassion Sarian..as u probadly know there is a lot on this planet hurting and Really there not so many givers after all ..For if u observe ..some people hurt and can see no one else at all. Yep its Just them ..they don't want to help any one ..!
Your An Empath .. and often as a child people who are empaths can become the nurturer in the family... a child does not have the solutions to grown up problems ..yet on some level may try to fix things or help...the child.. can absorbed the feelings of those problems and feel accountable..especially if they wanted every one happy.if that does not occur. what develops is Guilt ~ Guilt is the tricky monster ..Like why feel guilty
..why ??? There is No answer .. If U know yr intent ..have done no harm ..Guilt is a wasted emotion on the innocent.
There's another turn that may reveal itself in the years of being the empath and nurturer ..we can slip into feelings that truly aren't nor ever where ours ..hence .. its OUR fault ..when some one else is not happy !
.. For ingrained in the adult is the child who has absorbed all the emotions over a life time and simply takes on fixing things ..ie :being others emotions.
Guilt arises when The Adult tries to stop ..Example " hang on that;s not my stuff"
People get use to emotional nurturers very quickly and certainly do not want to let go on a conscious or unconscious level ( why because then they would have to look at them self ..and that thought terrifies a Lot of people )
so they hit the invisible cords of the Empath ..through emotional manipulation.
Try Sarian ... a simple trick .. when u feel you are to blame .. close yr eyes some where quiet .. tell yr brain to Shut up (lol ..try It ay my friend) then Take Three Deep breaths ... see in yr minds eyes ..suitcases of emotions ..some are yrs some are not .. Just look .. take another three slow deeper breath's and look at what is truly yrs .. then in yr mind gently hand back the other suitcases to the owner ).
whats needed then is Some good .. Soul music .. to kick up my heels and shake the booty music .. and then get on with your day . As long habitual thoughts come back .. be firm and state " Oi ..I have done that ". simply do some thing else.. not think ..just do ..example ..Hug a tree.
Gosh I am rabbiting on ~ Just as well I have no vow of silence ay ..
I hope I am not on the wrong page with this thread.
God Loves yah ..so do I and many many others ..
You are making a map for others that suffer to follow... for you are not hiding Sarian ... YOU have the gutz the strength and the inner knowing to be who you ever you wish to be.
Must sleep .. (((( Hugs)))) xxxxx