[7luminaries]

We choose a life and the context of that life is what it is...with all its potential choices as yet to be made. So, in the very broadest sense all then "sign on" but never, never to receive abuse or mistreatment or neglect.

Those misaligned behaviours and intentions are for your parent(s) to own. Those are THEIR choices and they well could have chosen differently. Rarely if ever is there a "gun to the head". Instead, those behaviours and intentions are about their own level of ownership and lovingkindness...if they are not kindhearted and if they are not very far progressed on their own journey, you are most likely in for a very rough ride. Even though you would not and did not "choose" to be abused or mistreated, ever, IMO. Ever. Given where many are at on their journey, it is unfortunate but not totally surprising that they act out in abusive, cruel, or neglectful ways toward their children and perhaps toward other vulnerable folks in their lives as well. It is in many ways a simple abuse of power in the most intimate of settings, the family unit.

However, that family context provided them all they needed to wrestle with their iniquities and to take the hard decisions to act with love and kindness, rather than with spite and violence. We provided that for them...and THAT is all we signed on for, IMO. To take part in giving and receiving love and kindness and support with one another, in our respective roles. If they have done otherwise, it may be a thousand thousand moments wasted, in any lifetime, until they take ownership and begin to take conscious choices that align with lovingkindness and equanimity. With authentic love for others, equally to self.

I say no one should ever blame themselves or think that the abuse or cruelty itself was "chosen" by them. That IMO is never chosen by any of us ...and instead represents the misaliged choices of others, for which we are not ultimately ever responsible. Just as we ourselves can choose to hate or loathe them -- or we can choose to recognise their vile deeds are loathesome, yes...but to forgive them for our own good and detach from the negativity, even sending well wishes if possible. Even if it all must be done from a safe distance.

Peace & blessings
7L