[Gem]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Sounds good. Me too. We all are, each in our own way.


I find that if judgment is wise discernment, it can be beautiful.

It probably semantic and void without context, but making judgments (being judgmental) and making discernments are two different things. The former places a value judgment on a person, and the latter is knowing what's for the best.

If someone cared enough to actually give a damn about me personally and offer something because they can, I would certainly at least listen.

If it is judgment of someone for their critique of the oppressively exploitative aspects of social norms and society etc..(or similar)...or otherwise coming down on anyone in a vulnerable / minority position...then generally it's most uncool and unwanted IMO (and unskilled IMO).


Of course, I agree. I did selectively choose to share a few things and discretion is of course paramount. My point was that contrary to what you might have expected, I found I could share personally here on SF about myself and very few would say anything unkind. I hope that has generally been the case for most here.

Well, as long as one feel and safe comfortable to do so, and they are not coerced, then all good.

But if I question the social norms and if I really drill down on my critique of the most insidious and dehumanising aspects, I realise some may take it personally. Not because I personally criticized anyone or said they were bad or wrong...that's not my place and it's rude. But simply criticising many of the norms we've had shoved down our throat will challenge many because it's how we've had to live our lives. And if we back off of those toxic norms, we often are left simply with ourselves, our fam/friends, and our community of fellow travellers. That's no doubt what is underneath the anger or push back...the fear of not conforming adequately (no matter how ill and toxic the fit may be) and being judged and cast off for not being compliant and available...this particularly for women but a similar thing for men applied in other dehumanising ways.

Probably because dropping the facade and being who you are is terribly disruptive to social identity structures. That really rattles cages, but not because you did anything particularly affronting (you'll still be seen as the villian though).

I see your point and I agree ownership is paramount. However I also think that beyond a certain point, it is artificial and awareness of interbeing is also paramount. If we are not kind to others, do we think that it never hurts them? I think it's ok to reasonably assume that others would prefer kindness too and that unkindness also hurts them, just as all these things apply to each of us. It's also Ok to apprehend their pain directly if one is able to do that in a non-invasive way. Or to ask after them. That too is a clear guide and some of us can do that too.

I think kindness is an intent we call good will. Self awareness is like knowing if this is true of your heart. It's a difficult one because we're humans with human needs, and people who say they don't do kind things with any needs of their own are probably not being entirely honest with themselves. Besides, it isn;t about not being needy. It's about being aware of the needs one has so that one doesn't unconsciously use other people to fulfill them. So self awareness, the primary concern with 'knowing what we do', is the kindest thing anyone can do.

I agree folks should do whatever is best for them. I agree it's good to be honest about where we're coming from. I have recently been trying to explain more about that for myself on some of the threads, so that folks understand this is just my opinion. And what I am really speaking to is at the cultural level and is never directed toward individuals -- this is easy to assume when individuals are of course a part of this culture, but it's quite a different thing.

Yes indeed, the fact that person feels offended doesn't actually imply that another person was offensive - and vice versa.

For myself, when I say I am interested on folks' take on things, I really mean it. I find it is uplifting and beautiful when I see and hear folks deeply engaging with themselves and with the world, and especially when they are becoming more aware and penetrating the veils of misdirection, illusion, and misalignment in their own lives. And coming into better aligned places. I feel it's important to voice our truths, and to witness and support one another as we voice our truths. To affirm that we each have truth to share, and everyone's voice is important.

Well, there are grey areas...

This happens often when many things come together. When folks are coming to that place, when they feel ready or need to share, and also when others ask and show interest, kindness, and courtesy to them and what they have to say, i.e., if there is a safe place to share. If any one of these is missing, they may not be able to voice their truth.

Peace & blessings
7L

Yes. It has to be safe, but that's not the same thing as a 'comfort zone'.