[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Gem

There's a lot of evidence of people being harmed by verbal abuse, gossip/slander and so forth. It sometimes leads to physical harm, like suicide, eating disorders etc.

There's a difference between talking from different views and denigrating a person. Sometimes people conflate a contrary view with a personal affront, but these are not the same thing at all.

This seems to conflate the contrary view with the personal remark. Two different things. The contrary view doesn't make anyone the subject of discussion. The personal remark does.

Exactly.

If we take it from the standpoint of intent, then we might see how an accuser, name caller, insinuator harbours the intent to hurt the accused feelings, and that will to hurt is malice. It very often succeeds, as we know that children who were subjected to a rearing environment of negative personal remarks (like you're stupid, you're worthless, and similar slurs), adopt it into their self narrative, which brings on low self-esteem.

In my case, being a forum nerd, there are numerous times when someone attacks me personally. This isn't the same as them disagreeing or having a totally contrary view. People disagree all the time and see things totally differently to me. The attack is when they start the personal assertions, derision, insults, insinuations and undermining my integrity. I used to take the defensive position and refute and correct them as your example expressed, but then I realised how I was manipulated into the defensive self-justifying role by them. After I realised that, I stopped refuting, correcting and self justifying. I basically reply without any self-reference at all.

This is because I am the one who decides to talk about myself, when I do, what I disclose, how much I disclose, if anything. That's why I have voice.
I'm the one who gets to say, and no one else has that right.

Now, that is my power, but it's not a power of influence or coercion. It's the power of self-determination.


All I mean is you get speak for and of yourself, and no one else has any right to do so, and more than that, you can if an when you wish to, but you don't have to - it is entirely your own prerogative.

This is your right to Yes and No, which is the fundamental ethic of consent.

Gem -- Agreed, full stop. Your response is so clear and concise that I will no doubt reference it in the future.

This circle of belonging where the spiritual conversation consciously takes place is where humanity begins to explore how to move beyond verbal attacks and forceful negation or crossing of boundaries...and into a place of mutual respect and lovingkindness.

It is a place much of humanity has never lived and which will feel foreign to them. To many, it will feel foreign in a good way, affirming and liberating. To some, it will feel foreign in a threatening way, as the rising equity of others is perceived as a loss of imagined or real control for some individuals. Still to others, the transparency and authenticity of real engagement with self and others may also feel threatening or simply just strange and new. And there may be other responses still...but the very fact that the conversation can occur and is occurring more consciously with regard to consent and inclusion is IMO great progress nonetheless.

Peace & blessings
7L