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Balie, thank you for acknowledging Vietnam vets. The average age of U.S. military folks during the Vietnam war was nineteen; we were young an innocent, and that innocence was very quickly snatched from us.
My experience of Vietnam was very surreal; life was cheapened and death was done wholesale. To cope we used to say to each other “it don’t mean nothing,” today U.S. Afghanistan and Iraq War veterans say “it is what it is.” You say these and other things to yourself to remain sane when crazy making is the norm.
At age-19 I was a combat medic responsible for other peoples lives; I had to grow up very quickly. We numbed ourselves mostly with alcohol and marijuana. When I left Vietnam I had a lot of survivors guilt (PTSD) and often wondered why did I live when so many others died. I held many in my arms as they were on their last breath. This began my conscious spiritual journey, because I was an agnostic when I went into the army.
I have since become to view myself as a spiritual being having a human experience and those who died in my arms, or elsewhere, were taking a step into a larger reality. People often look at how a person dies, as I earlier stated, by suicide, homicide, terminal illness, sudden death, in war, etc., and frequently judge how they died, but I don’t believe that there is any such thing as a premature death.
I had to come to terms with this especially when seeing a baby or child die. For me God is unreasonable; that is to say that what I refer to as “GOD” transcends human reasoning. I have been doing quiet meditation, silencing my mind, for a few decades and have had some out-of-body experiences where I acquired incredible wisdom, but when I returned to my body that wisdom often could not be put into words or retained by my mind.
In my opinion the verbal and written languages which are used here on Earth reflect our 3-D existence, and dimensions beyond this world are anything but 3-D. The Chinese written language for instance is pictorial, the Hebrew language combines its’ number system with its letter system, unlike the English language which has a separate number system from it’s letter system, and Roman numerals do not have a zero because they thought why have a symbol which represents nothing.
Language is like a code and it is my experience that the language beyond this world is a lot different than the language in this world. Nonetheless, I do feel very connected to the universe and my deeper self everyday, and have a confidence which transcends death.
I lost my eyesight during the Vietnam war and was totally blind for 5-years; 12-surgeries later my eyesight was restored because my optic nerve was not damaged. It seems to me that I had to go blind in order to really see. When I was blind I learned that while a person may look at something they will only truly see that something with their awareness; we look with our eyes but we see with our awareness, and when I was blind I saw things which I failed to see when I had eyesight. My life, and my awakening, has been an incredible journey even for me.
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