You seem to be acting too passively which is partly why you feel drained trying to cope. You're giving but getting little or nothing in return.

Perhaps being a little more assertive can help. It may not be easy but assertiveness can sometimes reduce stress. Turn it round to say, "Why d'you say we're losers? We aren't. If anything we're hoping to win. I'm no loser." etc. and take no back-answers. If he says, "Yes you are," then turn away, don't get into a discussion over things like that.

You'll only be able to help him if he wants to be helped. When he comes to you with a problem say, "Then let's sort this out," and try a little planning or organisation. Act the role of a therapist and ask him to talk it through. Maybe it's something that you can't directly help with - could be anything - a financial problem; health? in which case you may have to suggest outside help. Maybe it needs a change of habit or lifestyle in which case make your suggestions. You have to try to remain detached and avoid an emotional response. If he declines such help or gets angry then you've done your best.

You have nothing to be guilty about and will probably feel less so when you withdraw emotionally so that he drains you less. Doesn't devalue your relationship. You have your own life to live. Get away from it for a while if you can.

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Wishing you well.