View Single Post
Old 28-08-2016, 08:10 PM
SerpentSun SerpentSun is offline
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Ozarks/Shawnee Hills, United States
Posts: 441
1: My biological mother committing suicide when I was 2, and my subsequent adoption by her older sister. I don't remember any of that, most of my childhood memories beside cold hard facts are vague, but I'm sure those events made a lasting impact. I've been told I'm just like my birth-mom.

2: A sort of awakening between ages 9-13 after I moved to a new house. Not a spiritual awakening per se, but a sudden realization that this government, modern society, all the corporations, etc are just plain messed up. That's when I began my lifetime boycott of manmade drugs and started pursuing natural healing. Kinda hard for a middle schooler though, so I struggled with my faith and slipped into depression. My house also fell victim to arson when I was 10.

3: My spiritual development seems broken into eras; I'm trying to list major events, but so much has happened that I don't know where to begin. From 14-16, the apartment I lived in just started getting creepy. A lot of strange entities followed me around, beings not there for the first 6 years I lived in that building, and the nightmares I have now started back then. My brother who was a decade my senior slept in the upstairs loft, and he became afraid to go up there. Hung himself in the garage when I was 16. A week later, exactly 5 years after the first time, our apartment caught on fire again. This time we moved out.

4: I searched for answers but in all the wrong places. Slipping deeper into depression, my nightmares made me fear the stupidest things, and my crazy mom let her abusive ex-husband (my brother's dad) move back in. My first ray of hope came on my dead bio-mom's birthday when I was 17. That day I met who I guess you'd call my "soulmate"; a true love so my opposite that I wanna strangle him sometimes, but who shares my deepest values and challenges me to grow. Of all the eras of change I've been through, meeting my mate is one sole life event that I can say changed me the most. He saved me from myself.

5: The most recent singular even that affected me. Her boyfriend is back in prison again, but after my brother died, my mom has just been hard to stomach. She was already narcissistic and aggressive even when I was a child. Even after meeting my soulmate, the depression, anxiety, and rage I've struggled with since I was 11 are still difficult habits to break. Sometimes I feel very dark. But a new spiritual awakening, unlike any dream, vision, or ghostly encounter, has given me hope. And fresh fear. It was about 6 months ago....I can't even put words to it. I just felt this rush of strength and serenity I can't reclaim, started noticing all these signs and recurring themes, and realized that everything I am has been building up my whole life. I know it sounds like jibberish and it's freaking me out.

So yeah, what changed my life? My biological mom dying, the whole period between 8-17, and this weird rush I felt earlier this year haha. Ooh-wee am I a mess. Sorry for always being so long-winded folks; I just crave some validation for my experiences, someone on a similar journey to talk to. Getting this all out is so cathartic.
Reply With Quote