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I'd like to say here and now that I reckon you're a rum chap there Gem!
And I'm not here to bounce up your story for good or ill but just to let you know that I've really appreciated the honesty you've been able to find in yourself as it's payed dividends in my own searching and feeling within for that underlying joy we all have.
It may just be the new sugar flavoured syrup I've been craving but does that even matter as long as it does the job... I've really, though, found a way to re-orientate myself within mediation (meditation!, oh very good Freudian slip that) and this no experts idea which for me is that at a certain point we really have to let go of all the ideas of what meditation is and go in boots and all with the kind of honesty only available to our un-substatiated self.
And whether I'm being heard by the story or the pure self of selfs is of no matter really except I do feel happy you are about and doing what you/us does!
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Once upon a time was, and was within the time, and through and around the time, the little seedling sown, was always and within, and the huge great tree grown.
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