[7luminaries]

Sparrow hello there! it's so good to hear from you and I hope you're doing well

I saw something from 2010...

Quite so. Where there is illumination of awareness comes acknowledgement of responsibility.
I hope to emphasize such responsibilities here on SpiritualForums.
May your journey to Self, in all its many pathways, be both revealing and fulfilling. May your guides speak profoundly and with wisdom and love.
May yours days and nights continue to expand in value and in anticipation for the promise tomorrow brings.

Blessings. -Sparrow

And I realised 9 years later, after quite a lot of things and years of work and amends, love and healing, forgiveness and reconciliation, I have just finally begun to address the deepest levels mutual heart centre healing/reconciliation. I have finally been forgiven (for my existence, other lives, etc.) at a level where mutual healing and reconciliation of the heart centre is possible. We are not there yet, but all parties are aware and committed to healing and reconciliation...which BTW means my heart centre is finally able to feel again and hold the feeling...getting there anyway. And thus to begin to hold some healing from the guides more deeply, once again, thank GOD. So that I can finally take part in some more focused and sustained direct energy work again. Finally.

For the last 3 to 4 years, I have been on the mend after my heart centre shattered and I could not access, hold, or feel much emotion in the sense of "feeling" lovingkindness or even grief. But I learnt to cope and rely on equanimity and the love that is which is in our very cells. And after almost 4 years, I feel over the summer that my fuller humanity has been slowly returning into my heart centre and my access to it is opening up again. Oddly, I never lost my awareness of my deep love for others in my life, because you can "feel it in your bones", in your very essence. I just didn't "feel" it in my heart centre much because I was unable to access it...and because I had to deal with the PTSD of my experiences, and my add'l horrifying past life memories which I obtained whilst unable to feel much about them except terror and dread...snake brain feelings only.

If my heart centre had not already been shattered, it might have shattered with the past-life connections (the strange fruit I told you I was given in 2016 I think) and the 2017 past-life recall/PTSD. Maybe that was the blessing...because I could just accept matter-of-factly that these things happened and that my love and forgiveness was always present, even right after death. Even a later memory that gave me PTSD for a few years...even now have just been getting over the recurring terror and dread of suffocation by my own son's hand.

Given my numbness, the only painful thing that remained was the deepest awareness of the hatred and loathing that led to my repeated murders. Why did it consistently lead to murder, where did that come from and how did that sustain itself across so many lifetimes? Well, I have recently got info on that and it was very painful to hear from others that there was a conscious choice at some point to live in misalignment and thus we can see all lifetimes were impacted, across space and time. We don't really have all the details, but that much is known. And now that I do have more access to my feelings again as of the last few months, LOL, so it was actually really painful to learn this last bit. But again, the blessing may be that now that this is out in the open at last, the inexplicable actions taken (to murder me) in nearly those lifetimes and even behaviour in this lifetime all becomes more coherent because they have been named and owned -- and thus a different way forward is possible in mutual love and reconciliation.

All things may be put to the good, with authentic love and consideration of the highest good of all, all round. Battle scars and all...

Peace & blessings
7L