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PurpleMist, my friend, the love you have for your dad and the love he has for you will find its' way to each other. Love prevails. Spend this Christmas at a religious or spiritual service, or doing something else around people where you are not alone, or maybe you want to be alone to reminisce and grieve.
If I might suggest; let go of your dad being gone and you may experience him fuller. I have lost a lot of friends and family who have already passed over, but in truth I have not lost them at all. Yes, physical beings desire physical companionship. Please don't be scared; love can not exist where there is fear.
Your dad gave you a great deal and you still have the most precious things which he has given you. Now is the time to cry as hard as you can, because if you do not grieve you may not be able to grieve in the future. Do not take this the wrong way, but your lack of grieving can stile your growth and shut down your feelings. You have a lot to grieve about and in your situation it is only natural and healthy to do so. Although you do not need to rush it.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us and allowing us to help in your healing process. What you are experiencing now will later become a valuable tool for helping others who may be experiencing a similar situation.
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