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Your death will be as unique as you are and no one can say what exactly will happen because it is a very intimate experience. It is what is in your heart which matters; and your intentions also matter.
Lets say a person commits suicide in order to save other people; a soldier who jumps on an exploding grenade to save his buddies, a mother who willingly gives her life to save her children, and others who commit altruistic suicide, ending their lives for something larger than themselves. Their intention was not so that they themselves could escape a mentally and emotionally horrible situation but rather so that others could escape a damaging physically horrible situation.
I would suggest talking with a licensed professional about your suicidal ideations; you have got to keep those in check otherwise they will run your life and eventually end it. Do not suffer too long over your suffering; rather learn from your suffering. Write down your thoughts and feelings in an attempt to get them out of you. Look at what you have written days and weeks from now to see if anything has changed, especially how you feel.
What is going to happen in the afterlife is not as important as what is going to happen to you in the days, weeks, and months to come. There are lots of people who attempt suicide and they end up crippling themselves and making their situation even worst. They damage themselves physically because they did not understand or know how to handle their own thoughts and emotions. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem; or others might say it is like throwing the baby out with the bathwater, when you only want to get rid of the dirty water and not the baby.
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