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Originally Posted by SierraNevadaStar
I just don't know how I am going to do it - even though my twin has done so much to repel me, to put me off. Yes, to a point where I've been left wondering if he ever was truly the person I believed him to be. He got married to a bad person - perhaps someone who is even his 'false twin' - some months back. Despite all of the above, I still find myself thinking and worrying about him often. I'll sometimes go seeking out info on what he's been up to (via online 'stalking' I suppose) and input, on occasion, from a mutual acquaintance of ours.
Anyone with any common sense would probably tell me that he's 'no good' and that I'm 'better off without him' considering everything. And I, honestly, want the absolute best for myself. I once thought he was 'the best,' 'the ultimate,' and now - now I guess I was wrong. I don't even think like him anymore - though, somehow, I still do love him - dearly.
I am keenly aware of this fear in letting him go. I worry if I stop 'chasing' him in my thoughts, or in news as to what he's been up to - and move on with my life, I will lose him forever (although, spiritually-speaking and from a higher perspective, I understand that's not ever going to happen). And yet, I don't know if I can ever forgive him no matter how much heart chakra work I do. I do know, however, that he's my twin. I know this 100%.
He is so lost in this dark, dark wood and I no longer wish to be the same. Not anymore.
How do I let him go? How do I give up a once beautiful, once tangible, dream?
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It is difficult to let go, I'm going through the same thing myself and I feel I am making progress, finally! He still is in my thoughts regularly, but less prominent and I do feel i'm getting ready to move on. And getting ready to venture out there again soon to find new love. I'm not in any hurry with that though. But I do feel I'm beginning to get ready for that, whereas not so long ago even the thought of dating / dining / having fun / kissing another man felt off. I couldn't see myself doing that with any other man than him.
In any case, what I pick up from your story is that you have to stop thinking for him and filling things in for him. His wife is a bad person. Really? YOU may think so, although it would be worthwhile to think about why you feel that way (jealousy, envy, heartache, in other words: ego?). And even if she is a bad person, it is none of your business whatsoever. She's his wife.
You also have to stop worrying about him. That is also not your business. He's an adult, he can take care of himself, and even if he's to make 'bad' choices, those are his to make, part of his learning and growing here on Earth. It is not your path to worry. Try to see him as an equal, not almost like a child you have to care for. His well-being is NOT your responsibility. if he's lost in the dark, his path, then he's in there for a reason. Everything is in divine order and he's taken care of by Spirit as much as you are. Let that go. And again, it's your perspective that he's in the dark...
Also, stop stalking him online. Cut that out right away. As long as you keep tabs on him, you will keep his vibe -and with that the pain of separation- alive in your vibration.
Start focusing on your own life.
And people saying "he's not right for you", blablabladibla. People say that because they're concerned about you. But that doesn't make him a bad person. It means they're worried, don't know what to do about it, and then they throw that cr@p at you, lol. Such comments have never helped anyone.
So you don't have to believe he's bad, you just have to stop living your life for him, and start living your life for you again.
And trust me, the minute you do that, it will begin to get better. but you yourself are keeping this misery alive by stalking him, worrying about him, talking about him, focusing on him way too much.
Two weeks back I came close to doing what SSDM once said she did: put a rubber band around your wrist and each time you find yourself thinking of him, you snap that rubber band.
I got very close to doing it, as I think it will help you to associate thinking about him with pain and thus help you stop doing it. But I figured my wrist would fall off within a day, haha.
Nevertheless, the willingness to go there helped me to let go a bit more.
Also focusing on my own dreams and future. That is keeping me so busy at the mo, and brings me so much joy, that even if I do think about him it doesn't affect me so much anymore.
And to be honest, I don't think I even want him back anymore, if he hypothetically speaking would want that.
The worst thing, I find, is the fact that he left me for another woman. That was a serious blow. Not jealousy or ego so much, but more that he damaged this intensely deep connection we had and still have. Difficult to explain, not going to try either.
Good luck!
