[SleepyWarrior]

So i'm a person who is pretty tuned in with their chakras, and my heart chakra has always been a problem. In general my chakras are strong, and then get weaker as they get closer to my heart chakra. Personally I think it's because a lot of this hippydippy bull**** thats around the heart chakra lore is quite frankly, bull****.

I'm trying to balance it out with the whole crystals, oils and meditation, and they, even if theyre just symbols, do have some weak effect, but it's not long lasting. I think this is because the psychological/thoughts side of me overrides it.

When it comes to the heart chakra and loving others, it all seems like hippy ****. Unconditional love is not healthy and it's certainly not good to easily trust. In my view this world is a harsh place, and as a sensitive person, I need to protect myself. So I feel it's good to be closed off and suspicious of people...why shouldnt I? I will give them my love and fondness when I discover theyre worthy of it. I refuse to invest myself in people who arent worth it, or are just anyone because it's a "spiritual" thing to do. I wont walk around in a bubble of love and beauty because thats not the world we live in... I feel the need to be more of a warrior.

And when it comes to love for myself, I don't know if this whole self love stuff is hippy **** too. I struggle to feel love for myself, if anything I'm apathetic towards myself. I take care of myself, but I don't love myself. I like my personality and how I look, but I don't love myself. Is that even possible? I do know, however, I feel a sense of anger and frustration at myself, and a feeling of rejection and spiritual loneliness, like I want to go home. I've been bullied and made to feel not good enough by the world because I'm just a kooky kind of person who has had mental health problems, so i've often felt unwanted by the world, defective and the opposite of what society wants, especially as a female.

And how can we even BEGIN to work with love when really, a great deal of us dont even know what love is and how to define it? It comes in many forms, then what is love?

Sorry this is a long post, but I want help and for someone to challenge my ideas.