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Originally Posted by winter light
Well this was a good experiment for me. In the end though I am still finding that meditation does not work for me. For lots of reasons. Just want to follow up on how it went. I actually only lasted a couple of days in the process but waited to see if things changed but they did not.
I did feel exactly the experiences you described and even saw some benefits the following day. The main problem is that I have very poor boundaries so once the energy started moving it kept going for days and started to cause stress. And for me this stress was not good because it takes all of my energy to keep my life coherent. When I go into stress my boundaries collapse further and spiral and hard to get back to normal because there is no longer a normal to get back to. This is not an acceptable outcome I can compromise with so I had to stop the process.
For me it seems better to keep the focus on my whole body centered on my heart as I breathe. It keeps me more grounded.
For this part:
I wonder if the meaning could be confused. Because it seems to imply that one narrates to ones self. It is not a narration but more of an awareness of what one is doing. You can describe it that way but it is not like narration.
Anyhow thanks for the instructions. There is a lot of good reference here to study and learn from and apply in my own ways.
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Right, there is no narration, and it does mean awareness of, or directly experiencing. It is clarified repeatedly in the sutta as 'mere awareness'.
I'm sure if you prefer to to place attention on the body/heart as you say, that's ok and for the best, and if aspects of the method described in this thread are applicable, all the better.
The meditation I have described in this thread... I know from my own experience (and that of the many I have meditated with) there comes a mixture of things and almost always feelings of stress, and as you say, incoherence. I earlier discussed the psychological effects, and the importance of taking great care and delicacy, and being gentle with yourself - so I can only reiterate that now.
I will come back later and talk about these things, because what you have said is near enough always experienced when people undertake this kind of meditation. It is a difficult process... for sure. I also experienced difficult emotions which I described earlier on as well.
I'm so happy that you have joined us here, and you can be confident that our small sangha here has only love and kindness for you in our hearts.