[Gem]

Originally Posted by JustBe

This is good.

I woke this morning after a restless night sleep only with enough energy to get myself to work. I was pondering what benefits meditation would aid me at this time of my life and process. I went back to a group meditation I did a few days prior, where a fire was burning for us to let go of something we might feel we had to let go of. I looked within myself and there was nothing left in me that felt it needed to let go of. The letting go to all others in me that created my earliest foundational sense of self was empty, I felt it. I felt clear.

It's popular in spiritual groups to have exercises of letting go, but it's not part of anapanasati or mindfulness generally because this meditation is ardent awareness, with understanding of impermanence, without clinging and aversion in the world.

Even though the satipatthana is the path of purification, and we have things in us left over from the past (which we call 'sankara'), we are detached in a way that if there is a content like trauma, grudge and so on, then we might see, sankara start rising in conscious awareness as emotional storms as thay have done before. The difference now is, this time they come up, but we are no longer adverse. It merely true 'this is an emotional storm' - we've removed the aversion reaction, resistance, dislike etc, which has been regenerating the issue from the time we were hurt up until now.

Instead we have 'constant and thorough understanding of impermanance', so we know it is inevitable the storm arisen will pass away. In the past, these storms show up a little bit, and we start reacting strongly (which is why its called trauma), and that reaction is also a desire that it should be other than it is. Then we get the idea that we have to let go, and thus get involved in the storm, generating adversity and craving.

That reactivity is what generated the sankara in the first place. Something very hurtful happened in the past and we had a very strong reaction to it, so it was chiseled deep into the mind of memory and emotional content. Every time it started to come up since then, we start reacting very adversely again, re-carving that rut, so even though the event itself is long past, we kept carving it deeper and deeper in.

In these exercises people are 'letting go', but it's the same adverse/craving behaviour. That old thing comes up, they react adveresly, "I don't like it. I want to be free of it. I have to let it go", so aversion is there along with the desire it should be otherwise, and the carving continues. Regenerating more sankara.

That's what we have stopped doing. We have "removed craving and aversion in the world". You look into yourself and whatever trauma or what we call sankara you contain, it's there. Simply true. Nothing to do.

With constant and thorough understanding impermanence you know its nature is temporal, so you don't react. Emotional storm rising - "This is emotional storm". It can be there. Its nature is anicca anicca anicca changing changing changing. You cease carving the rut, no longer generate sankara, so it arises as a storm in conscious awareness and you are aware of it passing, changing momentarily, dissolving, just like everything in the world.

In this way, no matter the mind has a huge store of old sankara, we don't worry or do anything like 'let go'. We merely cease reacting with clinging and aversion in the world. Thus we cease carving ruts and they start smoothing out according to natures way. Another way of thinking is, It's like a fire has a lot of wood on it, we stop adding new wood, and pretty soon all the wood burns away. Another example, we wind up the watch every day so it holds tension inside. It tick tocks and the tension is dissipating, but then we wind it up again and the tension is restored. We never unwind the watch ourselves. To unwind the watch you simply stop winding, and the tension inside dissipates on its own according to law of nature. Soon enough the tension in the springs runs out and the watch stops.

In mindfulness we are doing by ceasing to do, leaving nature to work its way. Breath is analogous to the bigger picture. The breath is not 'my breath'. 'I' do not control it. Breath is just happening naturally. No one is doing anything.

So today’s waking and pondering made me wonder what purpose the meditation practice would serve in me, for me as myself now? I realize now in reading through your sharing, I will connect to myself. I will learn of the meditation practice as a way to understand my own inner workings and world, without the conditioned pain body needing to surrender. I will surrender to myself, I will learn and listen to my own body, I will understand and connect in ways deeper through this refinement of myself.

I may even sleep better...hehe

In my experience, and the experience of many people I meditated with, this approach of meditation tends to make people sleep less. The first thing is, we stopped doing anything so things start to become loose deep inside. We stopped tightening the knots that tie things down. You can see how it manifests in your tense leg. You are just watching air and tension rises, but you notice and cease generating it, and you don't know, but deep inside something starts loosening. We are without craving and aversion, so good or bad; pleasant or unpleasant is free to rise up into conscious awareness, everything is freeing up, and even if we don't know it because it just started, the deeper movement inside can keep us awake. Not because we are unsettled by it - actually we are more settled than before - but just because these 'loosenings' tend to keep people awake.

The second thing is, we stopped generating the tensions. We are just watching nature at it is and ceased the reactivity which 'winds up'. Less tensions so we don't need so much rest. If you lay awake and start to stress, 'I can't sleep. Tomorrow I'll be exhausted. OMG. It's 1am and I have to be up at 5'. Worrying like that is generating tension and it will exhaust you. Instead, If you find yourself unable to sleep, don't worry, lay in bed and practice anapanasati. You will be with reality of the air/nose sensation, and 11pm, 12am, 1,2,3am, no matter. You won't be exhausted the next day. You'll be surprisingly alert.

Your words are my answer as my answer in me understands.

Especially this part..”You practiced for some time, you are clear on the purpose of the purification, and clear that at this stage we train sensitivity of mind. You comprehend why we use nose/air feeling specifically. You have now seen for yourself and understand why we have no verbalisation or visualisation, or indeed, any fabrications of imagination. As a practitioner you know what you are doing and why, and you have experienced the initial beneficial effects, so now, no matter what the experts say, no matter you are ridiculed, no matter what - you are resolute within yourself and go forward under your very own steam. You are strong in your own determination, and you accept the responsibility of sangha, which also makes you ever more ardent.”-gem

Yes, No one should follow. I'm not the expert, a teacher, have no 'self-imagery', special knowledge or any status of any kind. I talk about things and people shall not take what I say on authority, my authority, because what I said is like what a monk also said, because I quoted the satipatthana sutta, because it is what Buddha said. No. That mentality is stuck in dogma. I talk so much for so long so that people can be self-determined and everything they do in regards to this meditation is not following or in any way obedient.

Meditation needs people to be able to think for themselves. To be discerning. And there should be a sort of powerful feeling coming from deep inside, as empowered by one's own understanding, a vitality. This is a critical foundation (as per post#3) without which we are lost.