Thanks again kundalini for your help on this, I appreciate it a lot. It is difficult sometimes to accept the things I see and feel and they have only been causing me problems since my od. I was quite happy in my life before, living with it and just relying on my feelings for things. I don't want to give up (been there and got the T-shirt) I want to move forward with this new understanding of the things that happen around me. I am a born leader (don't want to blow my own trumpet, but I am) and I want my own buisiness again, this time I have a feeling that things are going to work out for the best and I will be able to help others in their life quest. Don't get me wrong, I know I need to sort this phase of things out first and I know it will be hard yet I just know, know what I mean.
I hope the days ahead bring you joy and the nights peacefulness.

Thanks again for your help with this :)