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Originally Posted by DARKEST_HOUR
Can you describe what you mean when you say "he's just gone" ? Like is he not in your head anymore of what? And how long have you been separated? In my situation she's still in the back of my head, but I'm mostly over the grieving part. Kind of like I got used to the fact that shes there, and someday I'm assuming it won't be there anymore or something. I don know I guess it's just my ego since I'm quite frankly fed up with everything. Just the other day I was asking myself what would I do if she called me out of the blue and told me she wanted to see me?? In a way im kind of scared of seeing her because I don't know what to expect and I don't even know if I'm ready.....Everything just feels ruined cause of this separation, does anybody else feel this way?
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Yes, I feel the exact same way, except for being done with the grieving part. I believe my TF moved away yesterday, ie he is still driving ; ) and it bugs me to no end that I don't even know for sure that he is gone or whether he reconsidered his decision. He didn't phone or email or anything, no good bye, he just stormed off last time I saw him. It hurt so badly that I don't even want to see him right now. I was asking myself until today how I would react if he phoned and asked to see me so he could say good bye. I still probably would have said yes, but I would have had to think about it cause it would have torn my wounds wide open again. I'm sure he picked up on this which is another reason why he didn't say good bye to me.
It took a bit of strength to not send him an email wishing him a safe drive home (3 days of driving) but I can't continue to be there for him all the time if he keeps rejecting me. I know he has a hard time with the fact that I'm still living with my fiance, but he knew that I'm moving out, so there is no excuse for him. He could have stayed and not been in touch too but I honestly think he didn't have it in him to wait. He got scared because of the intensity between us.
Anyways, I have really discovered a bunch of superfoods like turmeric, reishi mushroom and other things which are helping me keep my balance. I felt so giggly all day yesterday and after having the mushroom for the first time, I felt like source was pulsing through my body. I could feel the vibrations of my cells, not in an anxious way, just a higher energy vibration, very pleasant.
Good nutrition and exercise as well as meditation, letting go, has really helped me get through this. Focussing on myself, seeing an energy healer, reading books on spirituality, watching inspiring movies, etc. Maybe it's just a time for us to turn inside of us instead of looking for outside gratification and fulfillment. I have certainly been very aware that this is currently the path I'm on. It's not as much fun as it was with my TF, but so be it. It's still part of life, and I'm experiencing it just as much, whether he is physically with me or not.
I have actually stopped dreaming about him since we've been separated which is interesting. I used to get messages from him when I was in a lucid state mostly, but they have all stopped recently. I think it is a symbol of him trying to let me go too...