You sound like you are very caring. He's lucky to have someone like you there for him.
I think you might benefit from looking into Al-Anon, it's an amazing 12 step group for friends and family members of alcoholics. It's a group where you can talk and rant to like minded people who know what it is like living with an addict, and you also learn how to work on your own shadows, codependent issues (if there are any) and important things such as how to cope with, or support or talk to someone who suffers with a drinking problem.
All you can do to help him with his drinking problem is mention to him that perhaps he might want to check out AA or something similar.
I'm not sure what the medical situation was/is with his amputations but I do know many who have had limbs amputated and the recovery rate even for healthy individuals takes awhile. I'm not sure what I could suggest, because all the healing techniques I know for myself are things I do on myself, like positive thinking - it works wonders for healing injuries. I even healed my fractured foot once in a day, just by visualizing it healed.
In general injuries are depressing and debilitating, but amputations really traumatize and destroy some patients. I think he would benefit in talking to a counsellor, even one that specializes in injury rehabilitation and the trauma and depression that goes along with it.
If he is that incapable of being able to take care of himself, someone should be looking into support care for him - support workers, in house nurses, putting him in a home, ect.
It really should not be the job of a loved one to be a care giver.
He sounds like he is going through a very tough time especially now that his girlfriend has died, I think even if he doesn't show it, he would appreciate someone being there for him, especially family.
I'm a recovered alcoholic myself.
You can't force an alcoholic to stop drinking. You can't force someone to get help either. If he feels like festering in his own pain, then its his decision and no one can do anything about it.
But you can keep dangling hope there for him, and remind him that he does have things to live for and people that love him.
I can guarantee you, that all severe alcoholics are cowardly, fearful people that are just plain miserable and all we wish for is for life to be easy, and for love, and for people to show us love. Some of us may go to extremes in fear and push away our loved ones, but the fact still remains, that we drink at the end of the day, because our loved ones never saw behind our stupid action of pushing them away and decided to just "leave us alone".
Man... if I had a dollar for every time I pushed away my loved ones, they listened and walked away, and then I blamed them for betraying me. What I'm getting at is, people are still people at the end of the day, and all people want to be loved and cared for and for someone to be there to stand up for them, despite how mean and callous they have made themselves.
I wouldn't want to show my face around my family when I knew I was letting them down, that I was an embarrassment, that I had lost everything, that I had lost all of my pride, and had nothing to live for. But my family did support me, when they eventually found out I was stealing from them to support my drinking habit, and the only way they found out was because they were phoned up when I nearly died this one time and the paramedic told them I was in the hospital every second day.
So I think if you really want to be there for an alcoholic or addict who is suffering pretty bad, being there is simply just showing compassion, and nothing else. For example, even getting him a card would be a nice gesture.
You can tell him that you are proud of him. You can tell him that you notice that he is trying, even if you don't believe it. Everyone wants to be believed in.
Sometimes you may not see it, but your Dad is one strong man. I can tell you guaranteed, if I went through what he went through during my addiction, i would have killed myself long before it ever got to that point. To me, it sounds like he is working hard and I think he is doing amazing. Especially if he has gone through a period of not drinking. If you have one sliver of suspicion that he has a drinking problem, you've got to know - there ain't nothing that would stop an alcoholic from drinking, other than their own decision not to, so I think you can be hopeful that he is trying.
You really don't even have to say a thing. Just seriously, being there, sitting beside him - maybe watch a movie with him, play a game of cards. He will appreciate the fact that you are there. Right now, I can only imagine how alone and depressed he probably feels.
Chances are, getting into the conversation of things he has to work on, is just adding more stress and depression into his head.
Instead of focusing on someones low points, when you pick out the positive, it makes them want to be more positive. But when you pick out that flaws, it makes them not really care about trying at all.
If you celebrate valentines day perhaps, get him some flowers. It might be a depressing day for him. Give him your condolences for his gf too. It's always awkward being around someone who is mourning, and remember that everyone reacts differently when they mourn too.
For example for me, I didn't want to be around people offering their sympathy and would have given anything to have someone talk to me about something else to help me distract myself from it. But other people really need the love, the hugs, and the sympathy.
You don't have to drink with him - that will only encourage his drinking problem. Instead, maybe bring him a nice latte from starbucks, or even take him out for a meal.
I don't know... I'm a major sucker for corny gestures and sentimental things :)
But you don't want to become victim to their anger, and you can't take the responsibility of their health on your shoulders, because it's not your problem, it's his.
All you can do is be there for him and show your support in sentimental ways - not fixing things ways.
See, I've heard the same things from my mother, even during my recovery and while I've been doing well, she still never knows what to say, and she still always feels like fixing things, finding the answer to everything, she still worries too much, she stresses out over everything now that she puts her own health in jeopardy, and what's more she is damaging our relationship because meanwhile I am doing well, but she is not doing well at all and now often times attacks me verbally because of her own stuff.
And I tell her the same things. Mom, you don't have to tell me any answers, I just need someone to listen to me. Or you don't have to do anything for me, just go out for coffee with me and show that you care.
I've even tried telling her bluntly,
I'm a corny sentimental person, you don't have to buy me things, you don't have to clean my house, you don't have to have the answer to my woes, all i need is a friend right now, and
all a good friend does is say, "yeah man, that totally sucks, I feel for ya, I'm not sure what to do, but just know that im here for ya every step of the way. You are all right in my books :)"
But of course she doesn't understand any this, still and it has been 2 years since I've recovered.
And I have a feeling, that is exactly why they have Al - Anon groups.
See, it goes both ways. A lot of the loved ones think it's all the alcoholics fault. Well, in a perfect world, perhaps. But I don't think I know ANY person in AA who has ever had a decent family life, and all members, though not all addicts, do seem to contribute a little to dysfunction and toxic relationships.
Even for myself - my family are what you could call perfect. But even they have their problems. I don't think anyone in this world can get away with not having to take responsibility for something. I guess what I'm saying is, when we follow the 12 steps of AA, we put a lot of time and effort into completely changing ourselves, but the family - they do nothing most times - and this can be very disappointing when the family stays unhealthy and toxic when you no longer are. Sorry I realize I just began ranting about my own relationship problem. Well, maybe some of this might be of help you, sort of like how it is helpful for me to see the view of someone not coming form addiction.
Well also, many loved ones of alcoholics end up having their own emotional problems and as soon as the alcoholic does recover, it's a pretty intense shock for them. The alcoholic starts doing amazing, is spiritual and starts making amends - the majority of families have been hurt ALOT by the actions of the alcoholic and are very untrustful and doubtful. They've seen the addict go through phases before, and they don't want to get hurt again, so its only natural that the families don't react well. It's understandable.
Not to mention, there is usually a co-dependency in family relationships.
And also, the loved ones then begin to see the alcoholic in his/her vulnerable point and decide to take revenge - sort of like, I'm going to hurt you before you hurt me. I'm not sure why this happens, but it does. And unfortunately, mind games start to happen - and once the alcoholic recovers - the family starts to play blame games "the alcoholic was the only one to blame" and the family refuses to do any work to help the relationships to blossom.
I wish I could convince my mom into going. Our relationship isn't doing so well, and I've tried everything I can think of and unfortunately the only thing that is left is letting her figure it out on her own because she refuses to go, and even refuses to get a counsellor and im so worried about her health because she has terrible anemia and is just too stubborn to do anything about it, thankfully she is finally going to the doctors about her physical health, but as for everything else I know I've tried everything I can, and for my own health I know I cannot be around her abusive mind games, so the only other option is for me to not have any contact with her, or very little.
. I went to one once, mistakenly I thought it was an AA meeting. It was very uncomfortable for me as they often ranted about alcoholics, but it was also very interesting because I got to see the other side to things.
I do think my mom would benefit amazingly from being around other women that have come through it all.
But I think... sometimes I do feel really sad and unloved when my loved ones react in the ways they do.
My mom takes pride in the fact that she is very sentimental.
Yet... she is never sentimental towards me, I think she fears it for some reason.
She's told me she's afraid of saying the wrong thing, or afraid of not being able to fix something. So the only thing my family ever does these days... is nothing... Not that I'm suffering any great deal - but a week ago I was suicidal, and I had turned to her for support thinking, well, she's my mom.
And the sad thing is, she just made a joke and walked away.
How is that supposed to make me feel? It's certainly not how I would treat someone.
It's not the first time she's done aweful things like that to me. She shuts down on me. And acts like she never wants to have anything to do with me.
I try to tell her that it makes me feel unloved, but it only makes her upset and defensive.
I just wish I had someone in my life that would say to me, "you are amazing, I love you no matter what you do, you have so much to live for" someone that would take into consideration how i feel sometimes, instead of just passing it over,
the kind of things and morals you learn in elementary school.
Like when I say, "im fat" I'd want someone to say, "no you look beautiful, you aren't fat" regardless if I am or not.
Well, thankfully I do have someone like that in my life. My spirit guide haha. Without him I would be nowhere.
I don't want to compare people to a spirit guide. I know people aren't perfect. And I know most times, my family aren't especially, because of course they don't want to hear of terrible things about their loved ones.
But there is still a big part of me that is thinking, i feel so completely unloved with them sometimes.
Family, can't live with em can't live without em 
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