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Dear disconnected, the fact that she isn't around you at the moment as such (and I say as such, as she is in the air you breathe, the water you drink, she is in your every heartbeat and in your every breath), she is on a healing journey of her own and if there were unfinished business between you, I think she would be making it very clear to you. Equally the intensity you are feeling is possibly because she is so very very close to you but is learning how to reach you - any state she will be in will only be one of pure love towards you.
I think you acted in the kindest and most loving way, and now you need to know you can love yourself and be proud of yourself for making such a strong and difficult decision.
And yes, we never prepare ourselves for the passing of our parents.
You made the right decisions, it is a hard call but she would have stayed alive had it not been her time. It's one of those strange ones, we think we make certain decisions in life but actually, the decisions are taken from us and we act from a higher plan without realising it. I truly feel that you were a channel from a higher source.
Grieving is a terrible process.
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