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Crystalsun it is like you are gripped by a force of negativity which will not let you express yourself. Flower remedies like the Bach Flower Remedies might help. I know from experience that negative energy can be tough to clear away. Bowing down to God might help, but also some positive self love would help too.
It is important to remain positive and to slowly heal this situation...
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The Humility, the Pride and the Humiliation.
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