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Broken
Do I have a story for you...
In this, no matter how much I was praised, loved, cared for...I was still broken.
You see...I was shown...and this is not my imagination, I was shown after a NDE...why I a always felt worthless, even though I'm actually a product I've, good person.
In another life, during the civil war...( I'm female in this life) I was very praised and valued growing up in a small town. Much like this life. I was a good looking kid, smart, and good natured. I was appoximately 6ft, 150lbs, well dressed, Sandy blonde hair, full lips, thin, and had delightful, but brown eyes, and wore glasses.
I was 20 years old...and uneducated about life or the real world. I had a girlfriend, born in a big family, but moderately poor like most people in my town
I'm not kidding you...the military groomed me, and made think I was going to be a hero, and be rewarded. That is what I saw, that's what filled my mind, hopes and dreams
That didn't happen. I was saw things unimaginable, I lived through things unexplainable, and in the end...And it didn't take very long...I was killed.
This was shown to me, over many years...but very delicately.
Two years ago, after glimpses of memories...(not to mention the dreams as a toddler and songs I was drawn to)
As an adult, the random flashes out of nowhere, the dreams of gunfire all night, cannon balls, the noise...
I was taken on a journey in a dream the last time...by a spirit guide? Maybe?
It was shown to me, in a sephia color..which now as I understand, represents the past...of my own funeral.
I was approximately 20 years old.
The guide and me, in sephia color...stood in a grassy field...about 50yds or so away ...
And watched a horse with a flatbed trailer, carry a wooden coffin on a dirt road, the coffin draped with a flag. There was a large group of people, solemnly walking behind it.
I didn't know what I was seeing or why...even though I had dreams of war, night terrors as a toddler...I never understood it...And I quickly forgot it, even though it bothered me.
The guide stood next to me and said " Go up there, get closer"
And some what panicked...I said "no"
He said..."you need to see this"
"You need to understand this, you need to go up there"
I said, no.
He was trying to get me to accept this death, to face it.
Because some thing I wasn't consciously aware of, even though my soul was...that that life, had ruined two lives after it. I had gotten other dreams about the life after it, and this one.
I ruined my marriages, and destroyed them...I destroyed myself, and others around me. I didn't trust people, I always felt tricked you could say...it was always the same emotions from that life...built up, to tear it down...and watch me fall.
There's so much more to this story, and what I was shown...but I was still carrying those emotions and experiences( not the exact same, but the same impact) as I did in that life.
The girlfriend in the original life, and the wife in the next life...I have met in this life, and they are male now...and they both wanted relationships with me, very much.
I also saw, the exact things they told me in those lives...my husband in this life, has told me the exact same things.
I have been tormented, and destroyed my relationship s, and myself after that life...and they have all tried to tell me the same thing, with the same level of grief from me. Because I didn't get it...and they didn't understand my trauma.
It's so fcking crazy...because it's real. It is very real, and even now...I'm still healing and learning from that life. And there's so much mirroring that life today... currently, that I have to deal with ..from different outlooks and perspectives.
Because I never healed, forgave and moved on from it.
They all told me the same things, even my husband in this life...
You worry too much, why are you worried about nothing, why do you panic about things that will never happen, why are you so closed off, you are worried about things that are never going to happen, you are looking at the worst case scenario, don't look at it that way...be positive.
Because in that life, I was positive, I believed the military, I believed everything ��
And the worst thing that I never could have imagined happened, right from the start once in battle, or in the war zone. It was a nightmare...the depths of hell, that I could never have seen coming. There was one glimmer of hope...the sun came out that morning. Then we came out, with a cautious, but glimmer of hope and sanity...the sun was shining, by the grace of God...that was the morning I was killed. Shot in the back of the head...I didn't even see it coming.
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