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Originally Posted by TzuJanLi
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Originally Posted by AC
Of course I respect your decision as conveyed by my explanation that my queries and expressions of my point of view were not a form of emotional or psychological manipulation to get you to change your mind.
I was simply discussing the issue, not trying to coerce you in any direction.
I have pondered the ignore function in the not too distant past, but then I realized for myself, for my own journey, that stopping communication was not the path for me regardless of how painful it might become by keeping communication channels open.
I understand you reasons for your choice, and do not devalue my opinion of you for it.
I am able to keep communication channels open for the simple but profound and beautiful reason that I no longer become offended by others, whether their actions are intentional or not.
This ability had only kicked in since 2009. A huge transformation considering the 40+ years of constantly feeling offended, even for miniscule incidents.
It's now as natural and easy as breathing and I'm only conscious of it when a topic sheds light on it.
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Greetings..
Hi PB: |
~smiles~Umm, I be AC, Tzu
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I am not in the least offended by Humm's personal attacks.. i chose to use the ignore function to keep threads clear of the debris of the interactions between Humm and me..
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Then you and I differ again. I enjoy the "debris", because I get to see more of the person whom is expressing it.
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Humm is proactive in his defense of Xan and in his beliefs about my motives, and.. in his passion for his beliefs he looses sight of the reality of the discussions..
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Then equally is it possible that you are also losing sight by your beliefs, and\or focus on his, according to your perception, his proactive defense and beliefs about you?
Tzu, and I am not referring to Humm or anyone specific, if I choose to confront someone I will do so openly and directly...
Tzu, I see clearly when a person takes a subtle pot shot at me, trying to bait me emotionally, divert away from the issue, side step with irrational words or behavior, and all the other stuff.
I simply don't react to it. I just keep to the the discussion that I assumed the person wanted to discuss.
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i challenge ideas and concepts, he challenges 'me', the person.. so, it's not that Humm offends me, it is that there are consequences in this forum for certain behaviors, and i have chosen to defuse the potential for consequences..
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Like i said, I do not dispute your decision, just discussing it.
When a person challenges me I simply enquire as to why, or i just leave it and continue with the discussion.
When I do enquire I am genuinely interested as to why they are doing so.
My initial theory as to why a person attacks me, or even my ideas for that matter is they feel threatened and the old fight/flight system kicks in.
They will either avoid or attack.
If I can discover why they feel threatened, I can adapt my word usage so they will not feel threatened.
If something I am doing, unintentionally because i do not know why they feel threatened,
if I am doing this, I wiould like to find out what freaks them out, thus change, thus they won't freak out and we can then have a more open and honest discussion.
It doesn't bother me when a person attacks me, I'm not going to do anything that will warrant "consequences in this forum for certain behaviors"
I appreciate their openess and honesty to express what they think and feel.
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I would welcome open and honest dialogue with anyone, but..
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But Tzu, when a person attacks you personally, they are openly and honestly doing so to the best of their ability.
There's your open and honest discussion, discuss that with them, it's obvious they want to.
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too often, when the questions expose issues that the other party is unwilling to look at objectively, the discussion is shut down..
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They are looking at it from their perspective, you are looking at it from your perspective.
Who decides if someone else is objective enough or not?
Are they unwillingly doing so, or are struggling with inner issues\wounds that restricts them?
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the admonishment to back off at that point simply empowers the status quo, reinforcing the usefulness of unilateral rejection of an agreed examination of the issues..
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What status quo? Does a status quo have power over an individual?
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so, rather than scatter the debris of pointless attempts at reconciliation,
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Reconcilliation is never pointless. It may be a long and hard road through the "debris" to reach it, but it's worth it.
Of course there is no guarantee of success, but one will never know success is achievable if one does not try.
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i simply clean up the mess.. and, yes, i realize that the 'mess' is as much my own issue as that of others, hence the choice to 'prune the tree'..
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If you are aware you are also responsible for the "mess", what "debris" are you bringing to the table and what changes are you implimenting?