[Akashic Scholar]

At some point in our spiritual development some of us may come to a point where we feel we have an 'edge' on our circle of influence. Then we come to a realization that this is prideful thinking, and thus the energy is doing more harm than good to our spiritual growth. One must put himself out into the world to learn the lessons of life rather than just read about them...

A wise man once told me that "Any boy can become a man, but a man cannot become a 'great man' on his sole life-wisdom alone'.

From time to time I find myself becoming self-indulged within my studies, and I don't know how to share my knowledge with people around me. I made two threads way way earlier in the year, having ambitions to share my experiences and learn from others spiritual growth. What stopped me was my growing apathetic attitude towards my own spiritual development shortly after those postings. I came to a realization that there was no denying how the essential mechanics of our universe works on the physical and spiritual plain of existence. If you saw the list of topics I've studied in my first thread, someone out there might understand what I'm going through. I think I went too far too fast, and my perspective may be off because of this fact. I feel overwhelmed by the consequences of what I know, and worry how I shall be held accountable throughout my life when I meet my maker. I understand how energy works, how to use it, and how to transform my life through meditation. Yet I've fallen into the trap of sloth and earthy desires to distract myself from the truth - and well, I know that is below me and I can do much better with my life...

I suppose me rambling on here has exposed the greater sin of mine: Pride Because I've fallen into the trap of thinking I don't need to conform to the rules of God's universe because I hate doing my 'spiritual homework' now. Why? Because carnal desire is more fun. Yes, learning about our spiritual anatomy and the inner workings of the astral world AND 'sigh' what the hell happens to us after death was fun and reassuring... But at the same time I know through the great super-consciousness (whom God gave each of us an individual access too) tells me the damn consequences of living sinfully. So its just better to do nothing at all... aha, but that's the sin of Sloth and Pride I mentioned earlier... so... arguing with the better half of my subconscious mind just goes nowhere because I know better, and I should act accordingly in my daily life.

Someone is bound to be chuckling by now, and that's fine. I'm answering a lot of my own inquiries in a way, just not choosing to act on them - mainly due to fear. When I began my research, I started to become more susceptible to spiritual activity. Say about a year ago, I wouldn't necessarily see spirits everywhere all the time, but just enough to the point where I wasn't quite prepared to handle the negative that goes along with being spiritually aware. I've seen good and evil spirits - lately more evil spirits probably because of my rejection of the truth. Yet I understand God allowed Evil's existence in this universe so we can have a choice to have faith in him, thus embrace the challenges his Enemy puts in our daily lives to make us stronger examples. I figured if I stopped my studies I'd see less spirits and aura activity, but it hasn't changed much irregardless. I need help because I am alone - I know I'm not alone in a spiritual sense when I choose to ask for forgiveness and be faithful, but I need to be around other people physically that can understand what I'm going through. And until that time, I will happily use these forums to try and connect with individuals whom can impart wisdom I'm ignorant to.

I'm beginning to do more work with my aura and chakra's again. I'm not ashamed to admit that mine is quite muddied from being neglectful, however it's getting better. If it weren't for me beginning to see shades of blackness in my aura, then I could have potentially been in a worse predicament than I am. It's very hard to receive light, but that's partially due to a great deal of things already mentioned. I probably need to pray more too.

My Solar Plexus chakra is barely detectable along with the Sacrum. This is most likely due to my attitude towards my job and life in general (in a way, my job is my life). I work in retail, and anyone here that understands the life knows it is very demanding and stressful (of course everyone's job is like that anymore - but retail has always been the most notorious for intentionally treating their employes lower than dirt) ---Anyways..... Unfortunately I'm in management - which all the better should make my constant dealings with people more of a spiritual challenge, right???... Trust me, I have tried to turn my 'work life' into a secret test of those sorts, and well, no one's perfect. Enough said.
If you think about it, most stores are like spiritual warehouses. So many people coming and going, leaving bits and parts of their energies in an enclosed atmosphere... It all makes a perfect cesspool for poltergeist and other chaotic entities to fester up when the store is closed in the still of the evening. In-fact, its so normal for me to sense this stuff now, that it's almost like seeing a bus drive by outside anymore. Maybe God's allowing me to see all this because I simply need to find another career, one that's going to allow me to have a life and not dwell on things I cannot change. There is a lot of conflict with me being in retail management. I don't believe browbeating your employees is the way to make them work better; and I have to say I really resent and even hate the company I work for because of their outdated philosophies. Its even harder when you have a father whom is a supervisor for the same company you work for. Your work life tends to interweave a great deal into your personal life, and it gets old talking about work all the damn time...

Reluctantly I am trying to forgive and let go of my hatred so I can move forward, but I cant do it alone. So there's my rant for today.

If there is anyone that can lend any wise advice I'll gladly hear you out with utmost humility.

Thanks in advance.

~A.S.