Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Yassi
From what I've read so far on the forum I've come to conclusion that the vast majority of the people believe in reincarnation.
I'm just wondering what happened in your life that you stopped believing in rewards and punishments system in heaven and hell?
|
Hello, Yassi, for me, I don't think that I ever believed in heaven or hell, the christian title of heaven. Plus aren't heaven and hell from christian beliefs mostly? My mom tried to raise me catholic, but I would have no part of it. I was very willful when it came to that. I was in the 2nd grade and the priest was telling me what a pretty girl I was in my blue bonnet and blue dress and I felt like spitting on him...mostly because I was a tomboy and hated that bonnet and dress..but I told my mom, I do NOT want to go. I hated it. Even then I felt it was against MY belief system. I was 4 at least when I first recall thinking about reincarnation because I said I was too tired to do this again and I meant tired of coming back ...in life again... as though I remembered the last and I remembered the in between and already as a tot, I wasn't having a jolly good time. Sigh.
anyway, I would hear all the preaching and screechings of hell fire and eternal damnation and so many people during one period of my life adamant I need to be saved. And while I chose to go to church I believe, for another reason, I think I really did know hell at least, that if we don't do x, y and z, we were surely to be sent off to hell was a lie and a control tactic.
So I tried out being a christian and one day I was in despair because of goings on in my life...I wanted to die. But to kill myself would be a huge sin and I would be cast to hell for greater sufferings ...I sat there in my car and thought good god, I'm trapped...damned if i do, damned if I don't... I wailed and sobbed and I cried out to God and said forgive me, I can't do this and I have to trust as I always have that you are love, you are LOVE...and that you love me and love does not include things as hell which is evil and wicked. I asked for forgiveness in what I thought I was about to do...and it was crazy...it was gloomy and raining on and off but a ray of sun came down. I know, dramatic, but I looked at it and sobbing and it meant nothing, but at the same time it was wonderful...I sat there looking dog faced at that ray of sun and feeling totally spent and resigned to go and clock out of life...when glorious joy came over me. I started laughing. However the way god or this universe works...and speaks, it just brought me back to the realization that this was all just part of my journey, and I had to find out if religion was real or not, at least christianity, which I didn't believe in, but felt I had to find out for myself...and once I found out what I already knew... it even took away my desire to die because there was real love out there and I didn't have to keep trying to fit myself into some mold others tried to force me in and I was free and liberated. I think that was the greatest feeling...the liberation of myself from religion.