[NDJB98]

I have always wanted to share my life with a lover and build a family together. I've seen it in my heart and soul since I was young and I have longed for this life more than anything. To feel and to share love and knowledge with another, and our child(ren).

Within the last four months, I believe that I have met my twin flame. We are so intertwined, so connected in divinity. But I can't help but feel like there is a pushing of my soul against hers.

We went on a hike the other day, the sun shined through the trees..but I couldn't help but feel absent from her words. Her thoughts.

On the ride over, she brought up the fact that she did not feel that kids were in her future, and I felt myself sink. The last four months of my life have felt like a true blessing, but her words cut into me. I said nothing. I didn't want to ruin the afternoon, but I know I have to talk about it with her.

I've wanted for so long to be a father, and it scares me to think that the person I love, does not share the same vision. She's brought it up a few times actually, but I never connected the dots until now.

Our hike was beautiful but quiet. We shared our time, but hardly our words. I felt that I couldn't speak, and her words replayed through my head over and over again. It was all I could think about, but I couldn't speak. I couldn't cry. I barely held the conversation with her.

I don't want to think that this is just another natural transition in my soul, asking me to look deeper. TO use my voice. On our way back to the car, my dog was ahead of us and I yelled at him to slow down. I looked over to what he was sniffing, and it was a dead turkey. It looked very fresh, and I remember my vision going blurry and my heart sinking into me. I felt this was a sign, but I didn't know how to take it. I was hurting, and I feel she could tell I was distant.

How do you approach this situation when your future plans don't line up as much as you thought they did. I know we are here to learn from our twin, to grow, but I dont want to think this is another short-term commitment.