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Originally Posted by Windbreeze
I think I have traced one of the triggers that cause my depression. I think my depression stems from personality disorders. It seems I am highly sensitive personality due to anxiety and panic attacks and obsess about insignificant things that normal person would just forget about. When these things happen I feel bad about myself because know I would behaved differently were it not for above symptoms that cause me to make irrational choices sometimes. I assume victim and ruminate about event.
I ruminate because somehow I care about my self-image in that situation. Should I behaved stupidly, I would recall and think my behavior over and about other choice I should have taken that would prevent me from behaving in a certain way. But that would make me feel better only temporary since it's in the past.
I am not sure why as I am not a celebrity or important person that newspapers would write all over for their every action. I am wondering why do I care so much about self-image. Does anyone know? Is there anyone who resonates with my behavior?
Thanks.
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I had some rich and famous lives and was heavily scrutinized... and I know the social cost of losing your cool in such lives. There are carryovers from that... but any more it is getting too difficult to do anything but go with the OCD. Well it is something to do I guess, another thing that would seem to make an interesting hobby EXCEPT that socially it makes me a misfit. And I desparetely don't want to be a social misfit. It is horrible having people be mean to you. Absolutely, totally horrible! But it is getting so DIFFICULT to be trying to fight it! Sigh.