Great stuff again! Thank you for your compassion Wstein.

Great minds think alike!-(as well as not so great ones like mine)I did read over your post on learning to know "who you are". well done! Many people could learn from this method. Maybe organize it in a systematic way, and get it out into the world. we need this.

anyway;
I am not trying to dismiss it, I have done this work already but had no idea others did it too. i have lived a sheltered life. isolated as hermit literally due to a bizarre condition which has no name but makes me ultra sensitive to most noise, crowds, people yelling partying etc. its been a lifelong struggle to just exist let alone truly live. I am not looking for pity about it. just sayin' it is what it is. Its been horrific, and i dont know how i am still alive despite a few suicide attempts, but Im not feeling this way now. I realized, its pointless to attempt that, as we just return to repeat what we need to learn anyway so its folly. but i digress...

I have been on this learning about myself journey (as defined by how you do it), for as long as i have been alive. I have been wondering why I started this at such a young age. I have always been a square peg. I love the x-men movie series because of this. I never fit in. only later in life, at the risk of sound conceited, did I understand i was doing all the things that these master were teaching. I live in peace, i have compassion, I knew who I was at an early age. I saw things others did not, I had the eyes of owl.

what I didnt know until I read your forum was how much I actually did it according to your method. although I never wrote it down. I just always had a clear in-sight as to who I was. and if your saying this is the process, I have completed it, or rather, i have fully undergone it, and the learning curve is slow now. as there is always things to learn. :)

Here is where it gets crazy. Two weeks ago I lost a friend to a betrayal. I wont go into details. I am still reeling over it. trust me when I say it was very confusing for me, and worse, it hurt. I started to undergo the "cleansing process"(I have no other word for this). I had done my cleansing( an emotional and spiritual process that is allowing all emotions to surface , and be released), in the first half of my life. and was very freeing, but sometimes when we experience loss, we must release these toxins in our body(painful emotions). as the new experience is absorbed by our spirit.

The problem is , all that i thought I knew about what i was passionate about, i.e. music, water. swimming, my native american heritage and rite to Elderhood, etc., basically all that I knew that i loved, is now foggy. I dont feel any interest in them at all. I dont want to do anything now, i want to sleep, I lost interest in things i once loved, I dont want to talk to anyone, I dont go out, i dont even want to go outside. and i dont care that I dont.

I have been crying a lot lately. It comes in waves and i know this is residual effect of loss of my friend who was in my life 24/7. in the four years I knew her, I did not spend one night away from her, she lived with me. We were NOT bf/gf. But I thought we were very good friends.

At least I THOUGHT we were. it changed in an instant two weeks ago. and It sent me into a tailspin, and this is mostly why i am reaching out to forums.
The reason i have been wondering about my path is, that since this happened, I dont know who I am anymore. Thats what i figured out yesterday. worded as i was saying it " i dont know who i am anymore"

I seem to have lost all of what i knew about what i loved. I was feeling that way all yesterday. all the work of my first half of my life.

I recognize this as a loss of ego. Becoming who i truly am. it's a paradox.

anyway, this learning who i am, may have to take place all over again but with no ego. if that makes sense?

. I know the basic stuff, i.e. I am lust, i am peaceful, I am empathetic etc, those thoings which are part of my nature, remain, but some of the ones that I did, which as i mentioned i think were egotistical, I have no use for anymore.

the good news is I had a series of co-incidents yesterday which made me feel, that all is well, despite my pain. So I am waiting. I am open.
I will wait and see, as the zen master would say. this too shall pass.

how long have you been on your journey? What was the most key thing you discovered about you?

great peace!