[Gem]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

There's a lot of truth here. There's also a lot of truth IMO from at least some folks who pretty distinctly detail a very close soul bond that is simply not the norm, as you've said.

The soul bond described speaks to an unconditional ("agape" or authentic) soul love which has always existed on the ground in society between beloved family and beloved friends, but which is extremely rare on the ground in society between men and women and has never been the norm between men and women, ever. Due to extreme imbalances in society, culture, religion, and plain physicality. Where the power-over hierarchy could and generally has been easily and brutally be enforced over the millennia.

I guess in the instutional organisation of mating, based in a gendered paradigm of men and women which is different to real physical sex, the notion of coupling because we're 'in love' is quite novel - and we may pretend we a driven by this sentiment, but really we're concerned with education level, social status, wealth and other social constructs that we have 'in common'. It is sensible, after all, to strike a balance between affection and practicality, otherwise it won't 'work'. Indeed, marriages are more stable in cultures that have arrangements of agreement or permission between family groups than they are in cultures that value isolated choosing individuals.

So, I do understand why this concept of men and women soul friends (the Celts called this Anam Cara) is perceived as potentially something special. Not because this situation SHOULD be unusual...but in fact because it IS so extremely unusual.

Hmmm, I don't see it as unusual at all. I meet many who I'm 'soul connected' with, but that doesn't imply we'll have a close relationship in any day to day sense, and I experience no obsessed or overwhelming emotions over it.

Even in theory, it is hard for many to describe or articulate either of the following occurring in the real world: 1) men and women coming to know and authentically love one another as people and as beloved friends without any objectification, exploitation, or discrimination -- purely platonically, and 2) for the rare and deeply honoured partnership commitment that would be made between two people of honour, that men and women would commit to one another within the authentically loving context of #1.

IMO these SHOULD be normative and commonplace in relationships within societies where men and women live in social, cultural, economic, political (etc) parity and equity. But it is not the case yet and never has been.

Society is replete with a fundamental misogyny and with many forms of discrimination. Even still, in our imperfect societies, we typically understand intellectually that lovingkindness is how we should treat other individuals, yet when we look to opposite-gender relationships, modern society makes a huge exception and actively advocates not lovingkindness nor honour but rather that we openly treat one another as less than human and take a dehumanising, utilitarian approach -- something that certainly leaves no room for honour and authentic love. The fact that we continue to apply a "special exclusion" to bringing lovingkindness into the foundation and structure of male-female relationships speaks to the enormity of the task ahead of us.

Yes, most social arrangements discourage affection in the sense of proper workplace relations, and so much of this world is purely practical that we see people entirely isolated in the most advanced and densely populated populations.

Having said all that, at this current time...sadly...I don't see that most of these Anam Cara close soul bonds between men and women lead to successful on-the-ground beloved friendships or partnerships, however, for all the reasons mentioned. Because first and foremost, we each need to transform our own hearts and minds...and then collectively those of our societies. IMO we must first transform ourselves and likewise our societies, before we could actualise #1 and #2 personally in our lives, much less on any kind of normative scale. I suppose these Anam Cara bonds bring to mind the simple and universal truth that we are of authentic love and thus it is our nature. It is who we are at centre.

Yes, we are essentially loving... even though there is a lot of hatred and greed in people's emotional conditions, so we have to get past these distractions and come to peace with ourselves just as we are. That's the challenge, really, innit.

And in that regard, the more reminders we have of the need to transform this core aspect of society, the better. Thus, I think we all need to be challenged as to what are these Anam Cara bonds saying to us as individuals and as society when they are male-female? That ALL people, in all situations, should be treated with lovingkindness. With right action, with honour and with profound respect.

Sure, everyone has to be regarded with high dignity and respect.

...AND that male-female relationships and partnerships are a particularly huge area of denial and often conscious blindness, in this regard, having never been normatively founded on lovingkindness, continuing up through the present day. Where now many in fact openly and consciously choose utilitarian exploitation of others or of one another, and call it normative and (therefore) "good" and "right".

Peace & blessings
7L

It is rare to find ones who don't want anything, in the sense of loving kindness, to be giving without expecting anything in return.