Thread: Vast Disconnect
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Old 01-04-2012, 06:59 PM
Quest Quest is offline
Ascender
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 702
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SerpentQueen
Quest, you are in process of leaving a highly codependent relationship. Your twin is simply not going to allow you to fall right into a codependent relationship with him. It is VERY easy to do it -- more so with a twin than anyone else. There's that urge to merge. It is so much more powerful with a twin.

You absolutely need to spend some time without him in your life, learning how to be independent. I would also not be surprised if you spent some time in relationships with different men, learning how to be INTERdependent rather than codependent.

It's a good thing your twin is not even showing up in your dreams. One can become codependent on the spiritual connection just as easily as the physical, in-real-life stuff.

I would expect a long separation, but it will prove productive.

You can do this. Courage.

Sigh, the no dream phase has ended since I had TWO dreams last night. I woke up after the first in which he came to my door, gave me a huge hug and kiss and said he wanted to say good-bye to me before leaving. We just hugged and held each other and he told me he loved me...
I woke up and then drifted off again, only to dream about him again. We were in my home country, sitting on a couch cuddling and caressing each other and telling each other how much we loved each other. I felt warm and fuzzy waking up this morning, in fact I didn't want to wake up. The dreams both felt so real and even now I feel like this really happened...

I get what you are saying. I'm ending a codependent relationship and don't want another one to be based on the same dependency. My TF and I were both worried that we'd follow that same path and we talked about it openly when we were together. Even just simple things like him helping me to feel better, calming me down after work send alarm bells off in him cause he thought this was leading to a dependency... Part of it was that he thought he had to do something to MAKE me feel better when in reality, I was quite fine feeling stressed and going through it, letting it pass on its own.

Anyways, you may be right that there is a long separation coming. I'm not open to a relationship with anyone else since I need to be on my own for a while. It may take me a long time to be ready to start anything with someone else. It hurts but that's what I see in my future. My fiance and I did the long distance thing for the first few years of being together, and I moved to different places for work where I knew no one and had to start all over again. So it's not like I don't know what it is like to be on my own. He was also my first boyfriend, and I was already in my mid 20s at the time, so I have spent most of my life on my own. I'm not afraid of that anymore, like I was maybe a few weeks ago. But I feel like I have come a long ways even in the past couple of weeks only. Since I am so wide open to experience life, it seems like I'm learning my "lessons" fairly quickly too. But not everyone is like that, and it may take him longer to learn what he needs to learn to be ready for us to reunite. I can't reunite with him if he isn't able to speak the truth, and look me in the eye. In a way I'm putting conditions on reuniting with him, and that's a conflict I haven't managed to resolve internally yet since I want to love unconditionally (I do that in the spiritual world but the physical world seems to be a different story for me). I simply know that he has work to do to be ready, and I'm simply not willing to reunite if he hasn't done the work. That's why I have not reached out to him anymore either.
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