[Remnantique]

I'm truly messed up. A year ago I quit my job to study and start a successful career in a field I love. My boyfriend is supporting me whilst I study. Lately, I can hardly bring myself to get out of bed, let alone study. I feel immense guilt as i'm wasting my time and my bfs money doing nothing. He's been extremely patient with me and knows I suffer motivational issues but I can't go on like this.

I can't bring myself to study. I struggled at university too and school, not because i'm not intelligent or know what i'm doing but...just an extreme laziness and lack of want for life. That being said, I don't want to kill myself! Alot of teachers have come and gone in my life, frustrated because they can see this constant battle in me and see the potential but see it going to waste.

Half the time I want to leave all the toys, games and laying about behind and make something of my life, but the other half just really cannot be bothered and at the moment whenever I get a surge of inspiration to study/work, it's not sustainable. I fizzle out like a flame.

I put this under spiritual development because I believe we each have a purpose in each life and a 'goal' that our soul wants us to build upon and we've been put into our life situations to achieve these goals (I believe in multiple lives). I definitely feel in this life, I have to learn discipline and learn to let go of the past and successfully achieve my career goals. I need to overcome my laziness and find the motivation to be who I want to be deep down.

It's like someone said in a reading for me once, that I have great things to come but i've built a house of cards and everything is easily collapsible.

I need help finding this motivation because whenever I go to pick up my pen/book to study I feel a sense of dread/sadness. Like i'd be letting go of the past and my childhood. I feel completely sapped of all my energy, like my aura is dying, hopeless. I can't even astral project to seek help from my guides. I've always struggled with energy since I was a child and oversleeping has been with me my whole life, it's all I know.

Any advice on how to shift this massive life block I have? I'm afraid to move forward and I don't know why.