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Originally Posted by confusionsay
Hi, this is my first post. I may not need to post another. I am a taoist. Not because I sought it out, but because I already understood most its principles so when i learned about it, i realized, "ahhh this is the word for the things i already know"
so a little about me. In saying this I am opening up and being vulnerable.
the dilemma is my situation.
I am 49. I live alone, never married, no kids, i have no friends, no family, no income(i am on a VERY small pension) I am unable to work certain jobs for health reasons, and what i have done before, I hated, or learned that ego is what drove me. I have no real fulfilling path in life. and its painful, i accept it being painful but it still is.
The tao suggests, that I do NOTHING. literally. so I am doing by not doing for the first time in my life i am just being.
I could DO something, IF I knew what that thing is that would fulfill me, but thats the problem. I do not know yet.
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So, Its checkmate- I know that I must do no-thing, yet I desire to do something, but that something is ego driven and because i know this- I do not want to do anything (yet). this state i am in is NOT fulfilling. it is empty.
So what now? live a life of doing nothing? which seems now almost less fulfilling than when i lived with ego. I guess my worry is, nothing will be the only things that ever happens.
all things change, but thats not entirely true, a mans spine cannot be repaired. or a person cannot grow taller. some people never marry. some never find thier true path.
but what is there to do now? I desire nothing.
I want to desire.
so i can have a fulfilling journey doing something I love, not something based on ego. but I have no insight as to what it might be.
and Ive been trying for years to find it. but to no avail. its so confusing and painful. I accept it, but it does not make it any easier. I wonder if maybe there just is nothing for me and this is a good as it gets, why does only nothing keep happening?
thx for reading
great Peace! |
Confusionsay,
I like the play on the words "Confucius says" with your name. A hearty welcome to the forum, with such an excellent post!
Allow me to provide some perspectives which may help resolve the dilemma you've described as
"...I wonder if maybe there just is nothing for me and this is a good as it gets, why does only nothing keep happening?"
Nothing does not change....because nothing cannot change....
....if one understands that Tao is no-thing to be changed. Why?
Because if you've recognized that
"ahhh this is the word for the things i already know"....it is a short leap to understand that this is also the word to connote the "thing" you already are...
Tao.
As expanded in the 1st reference, consider that all the "things" you want to do, and all the "things" you want to be, and all the "things" you want to have...as mentioned in your post are essentially ALL ONE THING:
Tao.
Doing without doing is accomplished because Tao, and only Tao, is all there is to do or to be anything. There is no “you” or any “activity” besides Tao to do or to be or to change or to perceive.
While you believe your name is (fill in the blank), as
Tao,
you have no name (not even “Tao” is your name)!
Consider also this perspective to answer your question above about "is there nothing for you".
As expanded in the 2nd reference: There is nothing
for you, because there is
only everything
as you.
If Tao is the essence of you and all of Creation (including "what you desire"), then it is not desire that causes pain. The pain is caused by mistakenly perceiving that "what you desire" is somehow separate from you and that you are separate from "what you desire"....because you have forgotten that you are already, always what IT eternally is AS Itself.
It is Tao, and
only Tao, whose slightest movement...animates our very Being,
as Itself, and as the "object of our "desire".
Hope this, and the references below, helps you see that:
All is Tao being Itself, by Itself, as Itself….including the experience of you reading this to yourself.
Do
you see ??
Reference:
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...61&postcount=1
Reference:
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...32&postcount=4