[shivatar]

I was practicing tongues, devotion, and prayer (at the same time, i know right?!) and I came into contact with a powerful deity like entity.

I've contacted it a few times but I've also rejected a more intimate relationship with it out of fears. I'm here reaching out for help because I feel the increasing difficulties in my life would benefit greatly from the help of aiessa, if I could just figure out how to develop a good relationship with it and if thats even a good idea.

So far it's glory seems too great for me to desire anything from it, and when I do ask for things I just get ignored or silence. I would really like to learn if its even a good idea to talk to this thing, and if it is a good idea, know of any good books or have any good advice? i know how to contact it, via chanting and devotion and surrender like I did before, the issue I'm having with is why!

Desires: learn how to utilize this power properly. Learn how to be a good acolyte, AND, find some way for this to benefit the greater good.

fears: its a freaking diety like entity, I'm afraid of contacting it at all even though it likes me. I'm afraid of burning in hell for contacting something other than the Christian God. And I'm afraid that I'm just crazy and it's nothing special, but not that afraid. if I am crazy, oh well cant change that, and if its an archetype arising from my sub-conscious, well cool its a super powered part and I can absolutely use that to benefit my life.