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Originally Posted by Omsatchitananda547
Would like to share my latest experience.
This shravana month was blissful, complete month all i felt all day was "Life is awesome life is beautiful" but from the end of shravana i have faced hell.
Everything was psychological mostly, was wearing rudraksha for a month but now when I wear it all I could feel was the sad mood for no reason.
All the understanding of Advaita Vedanta, all bhakti of Shiva/shakti was showering no help.
my guess is eating meat might have added effect on my mind and body but i was supposed to be unmoved in these situations.
I always thought I could pull it but unknown, reasonless, gloomy feeling had eaten me alive
I wished to burn all the gods if they were even present.
was suffering from insomnia in these days, so i had to remove rudraksha mala<wear and do japa of mahamrityunjaya mantra> and put it aside, this move allowed me lil sleep.
also chanting gayatri mantra had a very cooling effect.
I always thought no object can ever have the effect on me, if I had a grace of lord but looks like Karma makes you suffer and lord was absent.
anway stopped worshipping linga <small linga to whom I used to abhishek every day>.
doesn't feel divine but atleast i get sleep.
#Shivoham everything felt void, my last resort SELF.
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Namaste.
Welcome to the forums, albeit with that sad tale. =(
I understand how difficult it is to reconcile Advaita Vedanta with Bhakti from years of personal experience and as harsh as it may sound, it will eventually force you into a position where the choice needs to and
must be made.
I went with Bhakti, trusting that the Lord knows what's best for me in regards, and in the final wash, both paths lead to the same place
anyway, thus you can 'taste sugar' and '
be sugar' simultaneously.
We have moved from the month of Shravana into Navaratri and I've been looking on eBay at all those glorious Buddhist statues of Dakini and Tara. I'm going to buy one for my altar...to join my 13 inch statue of Kali and my beautiful picture of Ardhanarishwara.
I've also replaced my Rudraksha mala with a Parad Mala (mercury mala) for the time being and I've also recently purchased a Shani Yantra.
Sometimes things happen which force us to travel outside that little box we place ourselves in, to see the contents of that box from a totally different angle. For we
both know that Self = Shiva anyway, but Shiva is not only what we are, but what everything
else is as well.
Having said all that, often in the case of Bhakti, we need to go beyond name and form and all the trappings of worship to identify with the whole meaning and purpose behind it...why it is we are doing what we do...and why we feel like we do and of course, it all boils down to total, abject, unconditional
love!
If that is still there, deep inside and you allow yourself to fully surrender to it and give your all to the Lord, then nothing can go wrong and even
if it does, you'll understand that this love will shine through, no matter what happens.
If all that love is gone...if you search your soul and it's no longer there and you feel like destroying all of your associations, your pictures, your rudraksha, even God himself and resting within Self, which is only an aspect of Shiva
anyway, that's also a good thing!
In Tantra, we say "what doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger" so if we can use Bhakti to transcend Bhakti into Parabhakti...awesome! If we feel we don't need Bhakti anymore and say "neti neti" until Brahman is experientially realised, awesome! It's exactly the same difference (Bhedabheda) in the end anyway.
All the best wishes.
Om Namah Shivaya